Lovely Spring

And everything that’s new has bravely surfaced

Teaching us to breathe

What was frozen through is newly purposed

Turning all things green

So it is with You

And how You make me new

With every season’s change

And so it will be

As You are re-creating me

Summer, autumn, winter, spring

-Nichole Nordeman, "Every Season"

It feels as if the year just started, yet here we are and it's April and spring is in the air. I love it when the warm air begins to move through and the plants and flowers start coming out. It's amazing to see how every year, new life is given to the things that were "dead" just a few months before. I love the beautiful reminder of rebirth and renewal. It gives me hope.

I've been a little MIA from the online world lately because I've been doing some soul searching. I've been praying and trying to figure out what's the next step for me. I'm continuing to make changes and adjustments and working to find my niche.

I'm enjoying my job and my writing class and I'm trying new things with my diet and my health. I'm learning to trust that God will see us through... whatever it may be, finances, my health, Jarrod and my relationship. It's hard to give up control, but I'm working on it.

For this month, I'm going to continue to keep it simple.
-I want to start writing every day. Even just 15 minutes at first and work it into my daily routine.
-Continue on working on things for my health, drinking more water, taking the right supplements, getting more exercise and eating the right things.

That may not sound like a lot, but with what I've been dealing with lately, it'll be plenty to keep my hands full.

What the doctor ordered

I just spent the past few minutes taking my boss' advice and enjoying a few minutes outside. I could not imagine a more beautiful day! The sun is shining, the sky is a deep Carolina blue, and the cold seems to be gone for good (one can only hope here in North Carolina).

I even took my iPad with me and did a little writing for my writing class. (As a side note, I used to say that I'd love to have an iPad, but just don't really have a real need for it. I was wrong. Everyone needs and iPad.) As a homework assignment, we're supposed to write about our favorite place. I couldn't help but think of a beautiful, warm beach and that made being outside on a day like today even more enjoyable.

So yes, I have started a new job. I'm in my second week at a psychiatry office here in Raleigh. I'm heading up things in the office, taking care of scheduling and updating files and filing insurance, all the fun kind of stuff. It definitely is a change of pace from working at the news station, but a welcome one for me. I'm doing the whole 9-5 thing, which I've basically never done. This is literally the first time since Jarrod and I have been together that we've been on the same schedule, other than our college schedules.

I've decided the most difficult part of being on this schedule is the whole getting home and immediately having to dive into dinner preps. Especially since I've been on this new diet that requires a bit more legwork than I'm accustomed to. But at the same time, I consider that a rather small issue when compared to having to go to bed at 7:30pm when it's still light out until after 8:00.

I love being able to sleep in in the morning and get ready in the light! (I actually went into work at the station one time wearing one brown and one black Rainbow because I'd been getting ready in the dark.) I have time to make myself breakfast in the morning and now that I'm getting used to it all, I want to take a couple of days a week to get up early and do some exercising... both physical and mental.

I've also really enjoying working here at the doctor's office. The people are really nice and I've been enjoying getting to know the patients.  I get to pretty much run things the way I want and have a nice combination of time to myself and interacting with others. I'm getting into the swing of things now and liking the laid back nature of the position. But there are things I do miss from the station, such as the fact that there's never anything "breaking" around here. At least not for my position. But that's OK. For now, I'm just going to enjoy being able to relax a little more, not feeling so much pressure, and sticking to a normal routine. I'm also going to enjoy my first normal holiday coming up in just a few weeks here (ah, the finer things in life!)

March on

Wow, March, you snuck up on me and I almost let you pass without putting a little something new on the blog. I completely forgot that today was March 1. But I'm going to be honest, when you're not dealing with the usual going-to-work-every-day-routine, you completely lose track of what day it is. I'm constantly having to check my calendar to make sure I don't miss any appointments or other things I have planned.

March is a great time of year. First of all, it means that my birthday is only a week away! Yea! However, this year is going to be a little different since I've been doing this diet. Usually we'd all go out to eat somewhere and have cake or ice cream or something, but I'm not sure what it's going to mean this year. I'm expecting my shipment of almond flour tomorrow, so I'll have to experiment some... even if it means I have to make my own cake.

And another reason I love March is it means spring is near! In just a few short weeks, winter will be over and the warm weather will be moving back in (even though, it never really left this year... it was like 80-degrees today!)

For me this year, it continues to mean change. As I mentioned before, I'm in my second week on this diet. It takes a lot of dedication and experimentation, so I'm learning what works and what doesn't. I'm hoping to continue to learn and continue to feel better every day! Doing this diet has brought up thoughts about the rest of my health, as well. I'm realizing more and more that I don't take proper care of my body. I don't drink enough water, take the right vitamins (etc.), get enough exercise. These are things I really need to focus on. I don't just want health for my digestive tract. I want health for my entire body. Oh, but these goals are so hard to keep!! I'm hoping once I'm back on a set schedule, to have the motivation to get some stuff going in the mornings before work.

My writing class starts in just about 10 days. I'm so excited and a little freaked out that the same time. I haven't had a class in 4 years. Plus, writing has always been one of those things I've dreamed of doing... I think there's a little part of me that worries whether or not I'll be any good at it. I've been reading a writing book lately. It's already been enlightening. I hope to finish it by the time this class starts.

Finally, I've been enjoying this time off, but it's time for me to head back to work. While I do think I can handle the whole unemployed thing (I know some people go stir-crazy), I enjoy having that structure and balance in my life. I've got a couple of opportunities out there right now, so I'm praying for wisdom in figuring out what's going to be best for me and for Jarrod.

So to summarize for this month...

-Settle in on this diet, learning more about cooking and figuring out the best way to stay on top of it all.
-Take better care of my overall health: need to work on a plan for better exercising, drinking more water, and taking all of the vitamins I need.
-Attend my writing class (and enjoy it!) and finish my book.
-Start a new job and get back to a normal routine.
-Finish my "window project" that I've been putting off recently.
-Turn 26 and enjoy another birthday and another year!

1 week later

I've been on this new diet for a full week now, and can I just say, What a week it's been! I knew this was going to be difficult, but it has been a really tough week. The first few days were so restrictive that I didn't even want to leave the house because the smell and thought of food was driving me crazy. But I went out to a restaurant for the first time this weekend (not eating, just visiting) and it went OK. I'm not going to lie, it was hard watching other people eat all of the foods that I'm craving, but smelling the food was actually nice. You can kind of pretend that you're getting to eat it! (Wow, that sounds pathetic)

I was wanting to do a slow introduction onto the diet, but I realize now that I don't think that will work for me. I don't know that I'm disciplined enough to take a couple of months before I actually have a range of food that I can eat. I do know some foods that are more difficult to digest, so I'm holding off on those for now. I've added in some fruits and veggies and an assortment of meats (grilled up some lamb chops yesterday, yum!). My "splurge" was picking up some colby jack cheese and fresh almond butter. I maybe should've waited a little longer, but like I said, if I didn't have something good soon, I was going to go crazy.

I also made myself a almond butter & banana milkshake today with homemade yogurt. The yogurt is pretty tart, but I added in some honey and that helped. I guess it's just something I'll have to get used to.

I've been obsessed the past few days with looking up recipe ideas that stay within the limits of the diet. The thing is, eating on this diet (once you're fully on it) isn't difficult. You can make some great meals and there are pretty good substitutes that you can find for almost anything (except chocolate... sad). It's really just the matter of being able to go out to eat. I know I've harped on this a couple of times now, but that's a pretty big deal for Jarrod and me because we love to go out to eat. I love getting dressed up and going somewhere nice and having someone else put together the meal (and clean it all up!). Now, going out to eat is mostly going to be for other people, and I'm just along for the ride. I am planning on making some calls to some of our favorite places to find out if their food will be alright. I'll have to stick with meats (without certain rubs and spices) and veggies and salads.

Well, I've gone through all of this and haven't even mentioned how I'm feeling. I'm still doing just OK. I was feeling better for a couple of days, but then started feeling a little worse. The hard part is that I don't know what's causing it. It could be symptoms from the diet cleaning out my system and flushing the toxins; it could be that I ate something that didn't agree with me and I should avoid in the future; it could be that the diet isn't working. I suppose I'll have to wait it out a little longer to see more results. I think also that my body is adjusting to not being on any major medication. Still waiting to see what my future holds in that area. But all in all, I'm still hanging in there and waiting to see where this all leads.

Not what I wanted to hear

This is one of those blog posts where I don't know where to start. I want to be completely honest on here, but sometimes there are things I just don't want to tell everyone... like when I don't get good results from a colonoscopy.

So my week off hasn't been too much of a week off. I spent Tuesday preparing for my colonoscopy (which anyone who's had one knows, is much worse than the actual procedure.) I had the procedure yesterday morning. I had the good idea this time to have Jarrod record the post-op conversation with my doctor, since you never remember these things when you're under anesthesia. So this time I actually got to listen to the conversation after I got back home.

Basically he told me that things look worse since my last colonoscopy, which I had in October of last year, right before I started the new meds. So being on the new meds for four months has not helped and I am officially off of them now... which technically means I am on no medication for Crohn's for the first time in about 13 years.

He basically told me that for someone as high functioning as I am, I have the worst looking gut he's ever seen. He's always telling me how stoic I am and that my bar for "normal" is so out of whack that I don't even know what "normal" is any more. He wants me to consider surgical options. I don't consider surgery an option... at all.

I think all of this finally hit me today. I spent a good part of the day being pretty depressed. (I also blame the lousy weather a little.) Dealing with being out of work and bad results from this is a lot to handle all at once. But I'm done with that. Sometimes I think you just need a down day to get all of that out of your system in order to get past it and move on.

I had seriously been considering starting up the Specific Carbohydrate Diet again (info here) but had been waiting for the results from this colonoscopy. So now I've decided to start that on Monday. Jarrod is going to be out of town for work, so I figure it's a good time to get going on that. I tried the diet out a few years ago, but it didn't stick. However, looking back now, I realize that I was totally unprepared to start the diet at that time. I feel that I'm in a much better position to do it successfully this time.

It's going to be a big change. It's essentially eliminating all wheat/grains, dairy, soy and sugar. And what does that leave? Doesn't seem like a lot. But essentially, it's getting back to nature and making things from scratch. And getting a little creative with your cooking. It's going to be a lot of work, but if it helps, then it's definitely worth it.

I've been doing some soul-searching, too, on what God has planned from here. I know this isn't what he wants for me, but it's definitely hard to keep the faith when you feel like this all of the time. I appreciate everyone's prayers, cause God knows, I need 'em (pun intended). I know at this point, if anything works, it's going to be his doing.

My work here is done.

I've been hinting around for a few weeks now on some big changes coming for me, and today, I finally feel like I'm at the point where I can talk about it.

Today is my last day at NBC-17. I've been there for 2 1/2 years and just realized that it's time for me to move on. The hours and stress of the job have been difficult for me and I'm looking forward to doing something a little more low-key. But I will definitely miss the wonderful people there. I'll look forward to catching them on the air in the future. I'll also miss getting off of work at 12:30... and going into "breaking news" mode... and hurricane coverage. But I won't miss getting up at 3 a.m. Or snow coverage.

So what will I be doing now, you ask? Well, that's still a little up in the air. I haven't found anything yet that I really want to do, so I figure I'll do something that'll get us by for the time being until I can find something better. The difficult part about this is that I'm not really sure what I want to do. But I guess I'll have a chance to figure that out.

Jarrod and I are taking a big leap of faith here, but we really do feel that it's the right thing to do. I know the weeks and months ahead may be difficult, but we're believing that we'll get through just fine. I'm looking forward to having some more time since I won't be having to go to bed at 8:00 and having some more energy.

But I'm excited about the future. I feel like I'm finally taking some steps in the right direction. I'm just hoping and praying that I'll be open to whatever's next for me. Here's to taking chances!

Defying Gravity

I can't believe another month has already come and gone. And before we know it it'll be another month and another year. And at the end of that, I hope we'll all be proud of what we've done and have become. I'm very reflective at the moment because I know this month is going to bring some changes. I'm right on the edge, preparing to jump into whatever the rest of my life will hold and I'm excited... and a little anxious... and a little scared.

I know I'm where I'm supposed to be, but that doesn't mean that a little unsurity doesn't creep in every now and then. Big things are coming. I've got a colonoscopy coming up soon which will help determine the future of my treatment. I have the writing class in a few weeks, which makes me kind of nervous. But I'm glad for the excitement. I feel like I've been playing it safe for a while and now I'm taking charge.

I'm not posting any goals this month. Trust me, I have some and I'll post updates on anything I get accomplished. But for now, it's time to take that leap... and see where I land.

Something has changed within me, Something is not the same

I'm through with playing by the rules of someone else's game

Too late for second-guessing, Too late to go back to sleep

It's time to trust my instincts, Close my eyes and leap.

It's time to try Defying gravity

I think I'll try Defying gravity

And you can't pull me down!

-Wicked

Thank God for fresh starts

"Your mercies are new every morning, So let me wake with the dawn"

-Nichole Nordeman, "Mercies New"

I'm so glad there are such things as second chances in this life... even though I know sometimes I could really use a do-over button. But that's what each morning brings: a new day, another chance to make up for yesterday.

Yesterday was one of the worst days I've had in a long time. I felt that others were putting blame on me for things I couldn't change and spent the day feeling down and feeling pretty much like a failure. On top of that. I don't like the way I reacted. I retreated and sought comfort in places I shouldn't have and I'm still feeling the effects of it now.

But today, I have another shot at it, another chance to get it right. I woke up feeling pretty lousy and seriously considered staying home today, but I'm not going to let that hold me back. It's a new day and I don't want to waste another one like I did yesterday.

What's on my mind

I haven't felt much like writing this month. I think I've had too much on my mind, which is funny because you'd think with so much on my mind, I'd have tons that I'd want to write about. And there are things that I really want to put into words, but don't feel that I can talk about them quite yet (even though those of you who actually read this probably already  know.) But still, just a few more weeks before I feel I can be a little more open. I think that's my problem: I can't talk about what I want to talk about, so I just don't talk at all. So I won't say any more...

I'm in a glass case of emotion!

I said before that I don't want to do whiny, feeling-sorry-for-myself kind of posts... but I've had a rough couple of days!

First of all, Jarrod has been gone all week. He was gone over the weekend hunting and then left Monday morning for Florida for a work trip. He's been there for the past three days and comes back tomorrow. It's rough enough not having him around. It's just pretty boring. I guess I should be used to it. When we were on opposite shifts it really was no different, except he was there when I woke up in the morning... albeit, asleep. But still, I don't like it when he's not around.

Then, yesterday, I made a bit of a misstep and ended up with a sprained ankle. It wasn't so bad at the time, but last night it woke me up because it was hurting so bad and I haven't been able to walk on it all day. I'm sure I was quite a spectacle this morning as I was hopping around on one leg. Thankfully I have great parents and parents-in-law who bring me over crutches and take care of my dog and clean up my messy house since I was having problems putting anything away.

So of all days when I really needed someone here, I've been all by myself... which has made me pretty emotional. I'm not even sure how many times I've cried in the past 24 hours. I've cried because I've been alone... I've cried because my foot hurt... I've cried because my dad cleaned my house while I was at my appointment... I feel like I'm going to cry right now just writing this. I don't know why I'm so emotional. I'm really not much of a crier. But I've got another day off and hopefully that'll be what I need to get back on my feet (no pun intended.)

You can plan on me

I love a good plan. Don't get me wrong, I appreciate the new and spontaneous and am always happy with a good surprise, but I really do love have things figured out. You can ask my husband, when I have a plan and suddenly something comes up to change it, I get a little flustered. I pull out the ol', "But I had a plan and if you change this then it's going to change this which means that this is going to happen and oh my god! the sky is falling!"

I've done my best over the past year or so to work out a good weekly plan. I actually never kept track of it all until I started planning my wedding and I realized I needed a calendar to keep myself aware of what all I had to do and what deadlines were approaching. Now, I can't live without my planner that I keep in my purse. It's one of the few things besides my wallet and cell phone that I have on me at all times. I like being able to look ahead and see what's coming up. It also provides a nice record of the past when I look back at what I wrote in there. Also, keeping up with the budget is always important. We consistently struggle with the amount we spend on food, usually eating out. So I try to balance that out by keeping the grocery bill as low as possible. And since just going to the store and shopping aisle-by-aisle means that I'll be bringing home a bunch of stuff that I don't need, I try to come up with a solid meal plan each week. That way when I go to the store, I know exactly what ingredients I need and don't end up buying unnecessary stuff. Here's what I've got lined up for this week:

Monday: Stuffed pork chops and green beans
Tuesday: Tuna casserole (or tuna catfish, as I used to call it as a kid... I'm not sure why)
Wednesday: Chicken parmesan rolls
Thursday: Tacos
Friday/Saturday/Sunday: Jarrod's going to be out of town, so I'll probably just scrounge stuff up around the house or meet up with someone to eat.

So here's to a year of great plans and hopefully some great surprises, too!

Happy 2012!

I love the start of a new year. Yesterday, I actually heard a couple of people ask why we celebrate the start of the new year, since it doesn't have any actual significance as other holidays like the birth of our Savior or our country declaring it's independence. But I thing there is a lot of significance in the new year. I believe I've mentioned before how big of a fan I am of "starting over" and having that chance for a clean slate. I think that's what the new year brings. Even though most resolutions will last about a week before they're abandoned completely, each new year is a chance to reflect over the past 12 months and decide what we want to change in the 12 months ahead.

Personally, I'm planning on changing a lot of things. I've got some big things in the works, but, unfortunately, I can't talk about them on here yet. Give me a few more weeks and I'll fill you all in. But I got a new desk from my parents for Christmas, so Jarrod is planning on getting that all set up tomorrow while he's off work. I'm uber excited about having my own writing space. I think it's just what I need to get me going on some writing. My own space where I can post up my goals and be more motivated. It's hard to get motivated on the couch and the office area is really Jarrod's and isn't particularly conducive to inspiration.

I'm planning on having some sort of plan set up for my writing. Perhaps a list of goals to accomplish in a certain amount of time. I'm not quite sure how I want to set it up yet, but I'll figure it out soon.

I've signed up for a creative writing class this year at Wake Tech. It starts in March and I couldn't be more excited! It's definitely going to be a challenge, but I'm really looking forward to it. It's so much easier to be motivated when you have others there with you. FYI, I've given up on the idea of completing a master's degree, at least for the time being. I don't think this is the right time in our lives and I'm not quite prepared for that sort of commitment to school. I think Jarrod and I have too many other things that we want to accomplish and focus on in the next couple of years.

One of my wants for this year is I want to learn how to sew. I thinking maybe if things go well with the creative writing course that I can take a sewing one after I finish that one. Or else, if my mom has any time free up, maybe she could get me started. We'll have to see. This is one of those that will have to wait until later in the year to get lined up, but I really do hope it works out.

I'm also planning on having a healthy year. I know I'm not starting it out on the best foot, but I'm at the point where the new meds should really be making a difference (and some things are definitely changing there... still have to come to a complete conclusion though) and I'm doing my best to keep a positive attitude. (I'm also hoping that some of those changes I mentioned before help out.) One thing I've learned in my life is the importance of a positive attitude. If you wanna feel sorry for yourself and complain and never get out of bed, then you're going to feel cruddy and never get out of bed. It's pretty easy to fall into that trap. I've definitely done it before. But that's now how I want to live my life. So even on days when I may not be feeling up to it, I'm trying to keep my commitments and keep doing what I want to do. Not to the point of wearing myself out, but just not giving up on the things I love because I'm not feeling 100%.

Another "want" for this year, is I do want to start exercising. Notice I did not say "exercising more" because I don't exercise at all. It's pretty sad. If we can work out the timing, Jarrod and I have discussing going together to the gym a couple of times a week. I'm not making this a goal, because, let's be honest, making exercising goal for the new year is just asking for failure! But this is one of those things I hope I find the time and motivation to accomplish this year, since exercising is a healthy habit and I need all of the extra healthiness I can get.

Also, I'm starting today of a read through the Bible in a year plan. I haven't read through the whole Bible in such a long time, and what a better time to start a new plan than January 1.

OK, this post is getting dangerously long, so to sum it all up:

1. Start writing at my new desk and set up a plan to keep me on track with my writing.
2. Have a healthy year (perhaps with some exercising...)
3. Read through the Bible in a year, plus just do a lot more reading of some legitimate books.
4. Learn to sew.

I told you, keeping it simple. Happy New Year, everyone!

Looking back at 2011

Here we are at the final day of 2011 and I have to say... I'm glad it's here. This year has definitely not been what I expected. It has had some nice highlights: my sister's and my best friend's weddings, some fun trips that Jarrod and I took, paying off our debt. But overall, I feel that I accomplished very little this year, and I feel that I didn't put forth an effort that I can be proud of when I look back over the past 12 months.

I realized a week or so ago that I had set some goals back at the beginning of the year, but I hadn't looked back at those goals in a very long time. I couldn't even remember what they were. Sure I read a bunch of books (although they weren’t necessarily challenging books) and worked out a better budget that we’ve been good at sticking to, but of the goals that really matter, I fell pretty short. That's not what I want to see when I look back over the past year of my life. When I have goals, I want to think about them and work towards them every day. I don't want them to be some arbitrary idea I came up with because I was trying to find something to write on my blog. I want them to be things that I'm passionate about and actively work out a plan for accomplishing them. That's how things are going to change this next year!

While 2011 has been fine, 2012 is going to be different. I already have a couple of changes in the works that are going to make this year a bit more interesting. I think they will really help expand my writing, too, because these are things that I'm passionate about, but also things that scare me a little. Scare me in the taking-a-leap-of-faith kind of way. But passion and fear tend to lead to good writing topics.

I'm working on figuring out exactly what I want to accomplish in the coming year. I'm going to keep it simple and attainable. I'm going to put up a list of these goals at my new desk (Oh yah, my parents gave me this awesome desk for Christmas, but it has to be set up. I'll show it off a little once we get it put together.) and I'm going to work out a plan for accomplishing them. That way I will constantly be reminded of what I want to accomplish and how I'm doing on getting there.

Well, there are my goals for my goals. Tomorrow I'll actually get into those goals and a look ahead at the coming year. Enough looking back.

Where are you, Christmas?

Here we are, less than 10 days away from Christmas, but... it doesn't quite feel like Christmas. I'm not sure if it's due to the fact that I've been dealing with health issues this year... or perhaps because it's been so warm this year... but I just don't quite feel in the Christmas mood.

This is very strange for me because I am a Christmas fanatic! My husband calls me Mrs. Claus because he says he doesn't know anyone else who gets as excited about Christmas as I do. I think it's a magical time where you get to forget about the cares of the world and tap into that childhood innocence and wonder, even if just for a short time each year.

And I've done everything right. We have a beautiful tree set up, I did some fun crafts to decorate the mantle, I've got Christmas-y smelling candles everywhere, lovely lights on the outside of the house, and presents already wrapped under the tree. But I feel a little disconnected when I'm listening to carols or even wrapping those presents. I don't like it. I want to feel the spirit of the holiday.

I'm hoping this final week will be different and the feeling of Christmas will hit me. Come on, Christmas spirit!!

New Meds: Round 3

Well today is my third infusion of the new meds, as soon as I get off from work. This one seems pretty important because I've been told that it's after this third round that you can start to be able to tell whether or not it's going to work. However, I've also been told it takes about another month to let the meds do their thing and actually make a determination.

But I'm excited today. I've had some positive things going on health-wise the past 2 days and I'm thinking that this infusion will only help. I had really started feeling like it wasn't going to work, but I'm much more positive this week. There are still the issues of the other problems that seem to be cropping up, but if I'm feeling better in other ways, then we'll have to work out some sort of list comparing benefits to side-effects.

I want to say thank you so much for every one's encouraging words and prayers over the past couple of weeks. They mean so much to me and I'll definitely appreciate them at 1:30 today! I'll let you know how things go.

Doin' alright

I'm afraid I've been sounding kind of "complainy" lately. All of my past posts seem to be about how rough things are in my life, when that's not really the whole story. I think it comes from a combination of trying to be more open in my writing and being willing to put stuff out there that I haven't always been comfortable revealing, and the fact that I'm just fed up with feeling only so-so.

Especially being on these new meds, my hope for feeling better has been higher and when I'm not feeling better, it has farther to fall. I'm not giving up hope, but I'm believing this will work, but it is hard when everything in your body tells you you're not doing better. But I have my 3rd round of meds this week, so I'm looking forward to where things go from here.

I really feel blessed in my life. I have a great husband, a wonderful family and friends, a beautiful house, a good job that pays the bills, the ability to get out of bed every day. Yep, I'm doin' alright.

Out of breath

Out of breath. That's exactly how I've been feeling lately. It hit me this morning when I got up and I was already breathing kind of heavy. I don't think you're supposed to do that the moment you get out of bed, at the time when you're supposed to be most refreshed.

And that's how things went with my hospital stay. Part of the reason they wanted to keep me there was because my blood pressure was so low. It tends to run low anyways, but it was pretty low even for me at times. But that's leaving me with a heavy heartbeat and deep breaths.

I feel that some change is needed. A person can only be this exhausted for so long. And I'm so tired of being exhausted. I'm 25 years old, I have the rest of my life to have kids and bigger responsibilities and be exhausted then, but not now. The problem is, I don't know how to fix it. Well, at least not any practical ways that I can actually act on at the moment.

I'm praying for a change... an opportunity. Something that I feel can give me some life back. Just wish I knew where to look for it.

A change in plans

Well, I feel like it's about time for an update. I've had another rough week, but getting back on track now. I wasn't feeling too great all last week, and it got to the point where I was just uncomfortable all the time. I've also been dealing with relatively severe dehydration and randomly spiking fevers, some pretty high. On Friday, my doctor recommended I check myself into the ER and see where things go from there, but at least I could get some fluids in me and some antibiotics, if necessary. (It really stunk because Jarrod and I were supposed to be headed to the beach for a weekend with my sister/brother-in-law and his sister/husband/baby!)

So I took myself over there after I got off from work on Friday, and about 12 hours later, several bags of fluids and a million different doctors' opinions, they ended up admitting me to the hospital. Due to some infections they found in my blood, they actually admitted me to the MPCU, which is apparently the in-between of normal admission and the ICU. It's closer monitored and they have you constantly hooked up to a heart monitor. And that's how I spent my weekend. Talking to lots more doctors and getting my system flushed out.

I was able to check out Sunday evening, which was nice, since they were considering keeping me there another day. However, it was a much more pleasant stay than my one back in October. But since leaving I've been keeping up with a nice little regiment of meds and have definitely been feeling better. I'm still feeling a little on the "down" side, but I'm confident that I'll continue to improve. I have my next infusion next week and I'll be glad to see what happens from there.

For now, I'm trying to take it easy and not over-exert myself... not the easiest task this time of year. At least I already had taken Monday and Tuesday off from work this week, so today's actually my first day back. Just taking it a day at a time.

And can I brag on my husband just a little bit? He was so amazing this weekend and stayed with me both nights in the most uncomfortable chair ever! And he got me food when the hospital stuff just wasn't cutting it and was there with me through it all. He really made a difficult time a little less difficult. Love you, baby.

Happy Thanksgiving

I am thankful for...

1. My husband whom I love more than anything and I know that as long as I have him, I'm doing OK.
2. Two wonderful families who are amazing and don't make us hate the holidays.
3. Being debt free, outside of our mortgage, this Thanksgiving.
4. Our jobs that support us and allow us the freedom to enjoy ourselves.
5. Rylie (don't look so surprised, Jarrod) who hasn't eaten any of my shoes or Coach purses (knock on wood).
6. Great friends who we could turn to for anything.
7. Two amazing turkey dinners that we get to enjoy over the next two days (not to mention leftovers).
8. A five day weekend that starts at noon today!
9. The fact that, while I may not be at 100%, I'm alive and I'm not spending the holidays in the hospital or sick in bed.
10. The life that God has given me and His son for making that life mean something.

I hope you have a blessed and beautiful Thanksgiving!

The week before Thanksgiving

Can I just say how excited I am about the coming week?? I think what I'm most excited about is the food! First of all, of course we have Thanksgiving next week and I am a very big fan of Thanksgiving. I mean, a holiday that revolves entirely around a meal? Can't beat that! Plus, this year, Jarrod and I will actually get to enjoy two Thanksgivings. In an effort to coordinate among the Lindseys, Hugheses and Fryes, we decided to have dinner with my parents on Friday. So this means we get to have a full Thanksgiving meal two days in a row. Last year, we had the two back-to-back, so you don't get to really dig in at either of them.

I love the preps and everything. And my sisters and I decided years ago that someday when we're the ones hosting the family dinners, we'd each take a meal. Beka took Christmas, Hannah took Easter, and I got Thanksgiving! So I always go over to my parents' house a day or two before Thanksgiving and help get everything going. We make the stuffing, so it's prepared to actually stuff the turkey. I made the sweet potatoes last year (complete with pecans and brown sugar!) And making dessert is always fun, too, but let's be honest, dessert is great, but it's not the highlight of Thanksgiving. I often don't leave much room for anything after dinner.

But even not counting Thanksgiving, I've got some good eating plans this week. I'm going to give my first go at making crab legs. They seem pretty easy. You just have to steam them, so we'll see how that goes. Plus, I noticed that filet is on sale this week, so I may pick up a couple of those to throw on the grill, too.

I'm also really looking forward to tomorrow night because we have tickets to go see STOMP with a bunch of our friends. And I bought these right when they went on sale so we literally have 5th row, center seats. We've never all gone out to a show, so I'm looking forward to doing that together. I've also always wanted Jarrod to see STOMP since I think it's a show he'll really enjoy and maybe he won't turn his nose up at theater as much.

And to top it all off, even though I do have to work Thanksgiving morning (the life of a broadcast journalist), I have a five day weekend starting at 12:30 that day. I'm excited to have that time to spend with my family and friends and... start decorating for Christmas!! Next Friday and Saturday, IT BEGINS!