Thank God for fresh starts

"Your mercies are new every morning, So let me wake with the dawn"

-Nichole Nordeman, "Mercies New"

I'm so glad there are such things as second chances in this life... even though I know sometimes I could really use a do-over button. But that's what each morning brings: a new day, another chance to make up for yesterday.

Yesterday was one of the worst days I've had in a long time. I felt that others were putting blame on me for things I couldn't change and spent the day feeling down and feeling pretty much like a failure. On top of that. I don't like the way I reacted. I retreated and sought comfort in places I shouldn't have and I'm still feeling the effects of it now.

But today, I have another shot at it, another chance to get it right. I woke up feeling pretty lousy and seriously considered staying home today, but I'm not going to let that hold me back. It's a new day and I don't want to waste another one like I did yesterday.

What's on my mind

I haven't felt much like writing this month. I think I've had too much on my mind, which is funny because you'd think with so much on my mind, I'd have tons that I'd want to write about. And there are things that I really want to put into words, but don't feel that I can talk about them quite yet (even though those of you who actually read this probably already  know.) But still, just a few more weeks before I feel I can be a little more open. I think that's my problem: I can't talk about what I want to talk about, so I just don't talk at all. So I won't say any more...

This one goes out to the one I love

Today I dedicate this post to the most amazing husband I could ever ask for! He has held my hand through some really difficult times and put up with my annoying habits (not that he doesn't have some of his own, but those aren't relevant today). I am so appreciative of him and so glad that I have him in my life. I've had to make some big decisions recently, that affect both of us, and he's been so supportive and willing to do whatever it takes to help me accomplish my goals. It feels so good to have someone standing by me. I'm a lucky lady.

Happy 25th birthday, baby!

I'm in a glass case of emotion!

I said before that I don't want to do whiny, feeling-sorry-for-myself kind of posts... but I've had a rough couple of days!

First of all, Jarrod has been gone all week. He was gone over the weekend hunting and then left Monday morning for Florida for a work trip. He's been there for the past three days and comes back tomorrow. It's rough enough not having him around. It's just pretty boring. I guess I should be used to it. When we were on opposite shifts it really was no different, except he was there when I woke up in the morning... albeit, asleep. But still, I don't like it when he's not around.

Then, yesterday, I made a bit of a misstep and ended up with a sprained ankle. It wasn't so bad at the time, but last night it woke me up because it was hurting so bad and I haven't been able to walk on it all day. I'm sure I was quite a spectacle this morning as I was hopping around on one leg. Thankfully I have great parents and parents-in-law who bring me over crutches and take care of my dog and clean up my messy house since I was having problems putting anything away.

So of all days when I really needed someone here, I've been all by myself... which has made me pretty emotional. I'm not even sure how many times I've cried in the past 24 hours. I've cried because I've been alone... I've cried because my foot hurt... I've cried because my dad cleaned my house while I was at my appointment... I feel like I'm going to cry right now just writing this. I don't know why I'm so emotional. I'm really not much of a crier. But I've got another day off and hopefully that'll be what I need to get back on my feet (no pun intended.)

Back in the groove

We're back at that point again... the real start of the year when everything starts to get back to normal. We've had 6 weeks of holidays and events and vacations and now it's time to get back to life as usual. It's back to work and back to school and no holidays in sight... unless you work for a bank. We have renewed vacation and sick days, but who wants to use those in the first weeks of the year?

I can't say that I'm entirely upset about this time of year. In news, things get really slow over the holiday season, but start to pick up once everyone gets back to their normal lives. Here, it's always better to stay busy. And it's frustrating when you have a good story idea, but you can't make it happen because the people you need to speak with are on holiday. Yes, I'm glad to be back to the normal day-to-day.

You can plan on me

I love a good plan. Don't get me wrong, I appreciate the new and spontaneous and am always happy with a good surprise, but I really do love have things figured out. You can ask my husband, when I have a plan and suddenly something comes up to change it, I get a little flustered. I pull out the ol', "But I had a plan and if you change this then it's going to change this which means that this is going to happen and oh my god! the sky is falling!"

I've done my best over the past year or so to work out a good weekly plan. I actually never kept track of it all until I started planning my wedding and I realized I needed a calendar to keep myself aware of what all I had to do and what deadlines were approaching. Now, I can't live without my planner that I keep in my purse. It's one of the few things besides my wallet and cell phone that I have on me at all times. I like being able to look ahead and see what's coming up. It also provides a nice record of the past when I look back at what I wrote in there. Also, keeping up with the budget is always important. We consistently struggle with the amount we spend on food, usually eating out. So I try to balance that out by keeping the grocery bill as low as possible. And since just going to the store and shopping aisle-by-aisle means that I'll be bringing home a bunch of stuff that I don't need, I try to come up with a solid meal plan each week. That way when I go to the store, I know exactly what ingredients I need and don't end up buying unnecessary stuff. Here's what I've got lined up for this week:

Monday: Stuffed pork chops and green beans
Tuesday: Tuna casserole (or tuna catfish, as I used to call it as a kid... I'm not sure why)
Wednesday: Chicken parmesan rolls
Thursday: Tacos
Friday/Saturday/Sunday: Jarrod's going to be out of town, so I'll probably just scrounge stuff up around the house or meet up with someone to eat.

So here's to a year of great plans and hopefully some great surprises, too!

Happy 2012!

I love the start of a new year. Yesterday, I actually heard a couple of people ask why we celebrate the start of the new year, since it doesn't have any actual significance as other holidays like the birth of our Savior or our country declaring it's independence. But I thing there is a lot of significance in the new year. I believe I've mentioned before how big of a fan I am of "starting over" and having that chance for a clean slate. I think that's what the new year brings. Even though most resolutions will last about a week before they're abandoned completely, each new year is a chance to reflect over the past 12 months and decide what we want to change in the 12 months ahead.

Personally, I'm planning on changing a lot of things. I've got some big things in the works, but, unfortunately, I can't talk about them on here yet. Give me a few more weeks and I'll fill you all in. But I got a new desk from my parents for Christmas, so Jarrod is planning on getting that all set up tomorrow while he's off work. I'm uber excited about having my own writing space. I think it's just what I need to get me going on some writing. My own space where I can post up my goals and be more motivated. It's hard to get motivated on the couch and the office area is really Jarrod's and isn't particularly conducive to inspiration.

I'm planning on having some sort of plan set up for my writing. Perhaps a list of goals to accomplish in a certain amount of time. I'm not quite sure how I want to set it up yet, but I'll figure it out soon.

I've signed up for a creative writing class this year at Wake Tech. It starts in March and I couldn't be more excited! It's definitely going to be a challenge, but I'm really looking forward to it. It's so much easier to be motivated when you have others there with you. FYI, I've given up on the idea of completing a master's degree, at least for the time being. I don't think this is the right time in our lives and I'm not quite prepared for that sort of commitment to school. I think Jarrod and I have too many other things that we want to accomplish and focus on in the next couple of years.

One of my wants for this year is I want to learn how to sew. I thinking maybe if things go well with the creative writing course that I can take a sewing one after I finish that one. Or else, if my mom has any time free up, maybe she could get me started. We'll have to see. This is one of those that will have to wait until later in the year to get lined up, but I really do hope it works out.

I'm also planning on having a healthy year. I know I'm not starting it out on the best foot, but I'm at the point where the new meds should really be making a difference (and some things are definitely changing there... still have to come to a complete conclusion though) and I'm doing my best to keep a positive attitude. (I'm also hoping that some of those changes I mentioned before help out.) One thing I've learned in my life is the importance of a positive attitude. If you wanna feel sorry for yourself and complain and never get out of bed, then you're going to feel cruddy and never get out of bed. It's pretty easy to fall into that trap. I've definitely done it before. But that's now how I want to live my life. So even on days when I may not be feeling up to it, I'm trying to keep my commitments and keep doing what I want to do. Not to the point of wearing myself out, but just not giving up on the things I love because I'm not feeling 100%.

Another "want" for this year, is I do want to start exercising. Notice I did not say "exercising more" because I don't exercise at all. It's pretty sad. If we can work out the timing, Jarrod and I have discussing going together to the gym a couple of times a week. I'm not making this a goal, because, let's be honest, making exercising goal for the new year is just asking for failure! But this is one of those things I hope I find the time and motivation to accomplish this year, since exercising is a healthy habit and I need all of the extra healthiness I can get.

Also, I'm starting today of a read through the Bible in a year plan. I haven't read through the whole Bible in such a long time, and what a better time to start a new plan than January 1.

OK, this post is getting dangerously long, so to sum it all up:

1. Start writing at my new desk and set up a plan to keep me on track with my writing.
2. Have a healthy year (perhaps with some exercising...)
3. Read through the Bible in a year, plus just do a lot more reading of some legitimate books.
4. Learn to sew.

I told you, keeping it simple. Happy New Year, everyone!