Looking back at 2011

Here we are at the final day of 2011 and I have to say... I'm glad it's here. This year has definitely not been what I expected. It has had some nice highlights: my sister's and my best friend's weddings, some fun trips that Jarrod and I took, paying off our debt. But overall, I feel that I accomplished very little this year, and I feel that I didn't put forth an effort that I can be proud of when I look back over the past 12 months.

I realized a week or so ago that I had set some goals back at the beginning of the year, but I hadn't looked back at those goals in a very long time. I couldn't even remember what they were. Sure I read a bunch of books (although they weren’t necessarily challenging books) and worked out a better budget that we’ve been good at sticking to, but of the goals that really matter, I fell pretty short. That's not what I want to see when I look back over the past year of my life. When I have goals, I want to think about them and work towards them every day. I don't want them to be some arbitrary idea I came up with because I was trying to find something to write on my blog. I want them to be things that I'm passionate about and actively work out a plan for accomplishing them. That's how things are going to change this next year!

While 2011 has been fine, 2012 is going to be different. I already have a couple of changes in the works that are going to make this year a bit more interesting. I think they will really help expand my writing, too, because these are things that I'm passionate about, but also things that scare me a little. Scare me in the taking-a-leap-of-faith kind of way. But passion and fear tend to lead to good writing topics.

I'm working on figuring out exactly what I want to accomplish in the coming year. I'm going to keep it simple and attainable. I'm going to put up a list of these goals at my new desk (Oh yah, my parents gave me this awesome desk for Christmas, but it has to be set up. I'll show it off a little once we get it put together.) and I'm going to work out a plan for accomplishing them. That way I will constantly be reminded of what I want to accomplish and how I'm doing on getting there.

Well, there are my goals for my goals. Tomorrow I'll actually get into those goals and a look ahead at the coming year. Enough looking back.

Christmas Creativity

I know it's a little late, but I realized that I never took that chance to show off my Christmas decorations. It's probably because, despite how much work I put into them, I wasn't as happy as I thought I would be with the end result. I didn't dislike them, by any means. I just always felt like something was missing and I couldn't figure out what it was.

I did actually hand paint those letters... a much bigger ordeal than I originally imagined.

I am in love with these dishes!! They're my mom's, but she's collected so many Christmas dishes over the years that she said I could take them. So excited to finally have Christmas dishes!

Jarrod and I are actually starting to take the decorations down tonight. A little sad, but I think it's time. I'm excited about moving past the holidays and getting started on a new year. Time to pack away the holidays for another year.

Wordless Wednesday: Merry Christmas to me!

Merry Christmas!

And there were in the same country shepherds abiding in the field, keeping watch over their flock by night. And, lo, the angel of the Lord came upon them, and the glory of the Lord shone round about them: and they were sore afraid. And the angel said unto them, Fear not: for, behold, I bring you good tidings of great joy, which shall be to all people. For unto you is born this day in the city of David a Saviour, which is Christ the Lord. And this shall be a sign unto you; Ye shall find the babe wrapped in swaddling clothes, lying in a manger. And suddenly there was with the angel a multitude of the heavenly host praising God, and saying, Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace, good will toward men. And it came to pass, as the angels were gone away from them into heaven, the shepherds said one to another, Let us now go even unto Bethlehem, and see this thing which is come to pass, which the Lord hath made known unto us. And they came with haste, and found Mary, and Joseph, and the babe lying in a manger. (Luke 2:8-16 KJV)

Merry Christmas to all, and to all a goodnight!

Where are you, Christmas?

Here we are, less than 10 days away from Christmas, but... it doesn't quite feel like Christmas. I'm not sure if it's due to the fact that I've been dealing with health issues this year... or perhaps because it's been so warm this year... but I just don't quite feel in the Christmas mood.

This is very strange for me because I am a Christmas fanatic! My husband calls me Mrs. Claus because he says he doesn't know anyone else who gets as excited about Christmas as I do. I think it's a magical time where you get to forget about the cares of the world and tap into that childhood innocence and wonder, even if just for a short time each year.

And I've done everything right. We have a beautiful tree set up, I did some fun crafts to decorate the mantle, I've got Christmas-y smelling candles everywhere, lovely lights on the outside of the house, and presents already wrapped under the tree. But I feel a little disconnected when I'm listening to carols or even wrapping those presents. I don't like it. I want to feel the spirit of the holiday.

I'm hoping this final week will be different and the feeling of Christmas will hit me. Come on, Christmas spirit!!

New Meds: Round 3

Well today is my third infusion of the new meds, as soon as I get off from work. This one seems pretty important because I've been told that it's after this third round that you can start to be able to tell whether or not it's going to work. However, I've also been told it takes about another month to let the meds do their thing and actually make a determination.

But I'm excited today. I've had some positive things going on health-wise the past 2 days and I'm thinking that this infusion will only help. I had really started feeling like it wasn't going to work, but I'm much more positive this week. There are still the issues of the other problems that seem to be cropping up, but if I'm feeling better in other ways, then we'll have to work out some sort of list comparing benefits to side-effects.

I want to say thank you so much for every one's encouraging words and prayers over the past couple of weeks. They mean so much to me and I'll definitely appreciate them at 1:30 today! I'll let you know how things go.

Now I know why they call it a "laptop"

I have my computer back in my lap and it feels so good! I wrote before about how my battery had died and I was living off of just the power cord. Today I headed over to the Apple store and got my new battery. For a minute there when I had finished charging it told me I had 8 hours of battery life. Now that I'm actually sitting here typing it has settled in around 3:45.

It's been a crazy busy day. Get up at 3:30, work until 12:30, a trip to the mall, cleaning the bedroom (a much bigger undertaking than you might think), preparing dinner, now sitting on the couch with the hubby, typing away as we finish up dinner. The mall, of course, was pretty crazy, even at 1pm on a Tuesday. I tried to get all of my final shopping done so I won't have to go back, but there are still a couple of loose ends.

I think I'm doing pretty good this Christmas, considering the bit of a set back with the hospital. I have 3 small gifts left to get and I've already started wrapping presents! The tree looks much better already.

But now, off to clean up from kitchen before heading off to bed nice and early.

Doin' alright

I'm afraid I've been sounding kind of "complainy" lately. All of my past posts seem to be about how rough things are in my life, when that's not really the whole story. I think it comes from a combination of trying to be more open in my writing and being willing to put stuff out there that I haven't always been comfortable revealing, and the fact that I'm just fed up with feeling only so-so.

Especially being on these new meds, my hope for feeling better has been higher and when I'm not feeling better, it has farther to fall. I'm not giving up hope, but I'm believing this will work, but it is hard when everything in your body tells you you're not doing better. But I have my 3rd round of meds this week, so I'm looking forward to where things go from here.

I really feel blessed in my life. I have a great husband, a wonderful family and friends, a beautiful house, a good job that pays the bills, the ability to get out of bed every day. Yep, I'm doin' alright.

Out of breath

Out of breath. That's exactly how I've been feeling lately. It hit me this morning when I got up and I was already breathing kind of heavy. I don't think you're supposed to do that the moment you get out of bed, at the time when you're supposed to be most refreshed.

And that's how things went with my hospital stay. Part of the reason they wanted to keep me there was because my blood pressure was so low. It tends to run low anyways, but it was pretty low even for me at times. But that's leaving me with a heavy heartbeat and deep breaths.

I feel that some change is needed. A person can only be this exhausted for so long. And I'm so tired of being exhausted. I'm 25 years old, I have the rest of my life to have kids and bigger responsibilities and be exhausted then, but not now. The problem is, I don't know how to fix it. Well, at least not any practical ways that I can actually act on at the moment.

I'm praying for a change... an opportunity. Something that I feel can give me some life back. Just wish I knew where to look for it.

A change in plans

Well, I feel like it's about time for an update. I've had another rough week, but getting back on track now. I wasn't feeling too great all last week, and it got to the point where I was just uncomfortable all the time. I've also been dealing with relatively severe dehydration and randomly spiking fevers, some pretty high. On Friday, my doctor recommended I check myself into the ER and see where things go from there, but at least I could get some fluids in me and some antibiotics, if necessary. (It really stunk because Jarrod and I were supposed to be headed to the beach for a weekend with my sister/brother-in-law and his sister/husband/baby!)

So I took myself over there after I got off from work on Friday, and about 12 hours later, several bags of fluids and a million different doctors' opinions, they ended up admitting me to the hospital. Due to some infections they found in my blood, they actually admitted me to the MPCU, which is apparently the in-between of normal admission and the ICU. It's closer monitored and they have you constantly hooked up to a heart monitor. And that's how I spent my weekend. Talking to lots more doctors and getting my system flushed out.

I was able to check out Sunday evening, which was nice, since they were considering keeping me there another day. However, it was a much more pleasant stay than my one back in October. But since leaving I've been keeping up with a nice little regiment of meds and have definitely been feeling better. I'm still feeling a little on the "down" side, but I'm confident that I'll continue to improve. I have my next infusion next week and I'll be glad to see what happens from there.

For now, I'm trying to take it easy and not over-exert myself... not the easiest task this time of year. At least I already had taken Monday and Tuesday off from work this week, so today's actually my first day back. Just taking it a day at a time.

And can I brag on my husband just a little bit? He was so amazing this weekend and stayed with me both nights in the most uncomfortable chair ever! And he got me food when the hospital stuff just wasn't cutting it and was there with me through it all. He really made a difficult time a little less difficult. Love you, baby.

Merry December!

Oh a day behind on December but that's alright with me. I was hoping to write a lot more over the past week, but it hasn't been the easiest week for me. I've been dealing with a whole bunch of not feeling great. I've been doing my best to suck it up and keep on with my life, but yesterday it hit me like a ton of bricks and I ended up leaving work early and sleeping for most of the afternoon.

It helped. I am feeling better today. Albeit, not great, but better. Jarrod and I are supposed to head to the beach today with my sister and Nate and his sister, Lise, and her husband, Matt, and their precious baby Jordan, but at this point, I'm still unsure whether or not we'll be able to make it. I'm taking it an hour at a time right now.

But I don't want to be a downer at the start of this beautiful month! Jarrod hates it, but I've been very much OK with the warmer temperatures so far. Especially considering that last year it snowed the first weekend of December. It was a little odd, however, putting up Christmas decorations in 60-degree weather.

As you can see, we have the tree up, which I love! We found a much better set up this year that actually seemed to give us more room, rather than less. We've decorated the outside with lights and wreaths and I'm still working on some of my indoor decorations, but that's another post for another day.

Looking ahead this month... there's so much going on. My beautiful cousin is performing in the Nutcracker, there are Christmas parties to attend and, of course, Christmas itself! But a big thing going on this month in my life is my 3rd round of the new meds. That's supposed to be the time when you know if it's working or not. And at this point, I'm not feeling that it is, and that scares me. So I'm a little anxious for that appointment in about two weeks and the follow up appointment with my doctor the week after that. I'm feeling the pressure this month.


As for my goals, I have not wanted to get to this part because I feel that I did pretty lousy this month. But I think I'm keeping the same goals and focusing on getting better and preparing for Christmas.

Health Goals
-I realized this morning (not for the first time) how tense I am pretty much all the time. I want to get up some sort of stretching regiment. That's always so hard to start, but healthwise, I think it's necessary for me. Need to drill that into my head! NOPE
-Also, I've fallen out of the habit of taking some OTC meds that I really need to be taking. Need to start that up again. NOPE

Personal Goals
-Party Planning! And, of course, actually throwing a fabulous engagement party!
-Read! ...something! I should probably pick this out by the beginning of the month. That way I'm probably more likely to stick to it. I'll try to figure something out today. EH, I DID SOME READING, BUT NOT WHAT I HAD IN MIND.
-Help put on a great Thanksgiving dinner with both of my families.
-Finish Christmas shopping. Doable? I have no idea. OK, I DIDN'T QUITE "FINISH" BUT I'M HAPPY WITH WHAT I ACCOMPLISHED, WHICH WAS THE MAJORITY OF IT.
-Decorate for Christmas!! (After Thanksgiving, of course)

Happy Thanksgiving

I am thankful for...

1. My husband whom I love more than anything and I know that as long as I have him, I'm doing OK.
2. Two wonderful families who are amazing and don't make us hate the holidays.
3. Being debt free, outside of our mortgage, this Thanksgiving.
4. Our jobs that support us and allow us the freedom to enjoy ourselves.
5. Rylie (don't look so surprised, Jarrod) who hasn't eaten any of my shoes or Coach purses (knock on wood).
6. Great friends who we could turn to for anything.
7. Two amazing turkey dinners that we get to enjoy over the next two days (not to mention leftovers).
8. A five day weekend that starts at noon today!
9. The fact that, while I may not be at 100%, I'm alive and I'm not spending the holidays in the hospital or sick in bed.
10. The life that God has given me and His son for making that life mean something.

I hope you have a blessed and beautiful Thanksgiving!

STOMP

Wow, I just realized that this is my 100th post! That's pretty exciting. Seems a little pathetic that it took me about 15 months to accomplish that, but that's OK. I'm picking up speed from here and it definitely won't take another 15 months for the next 100.

But that's not what I'm here to talk about. I've been wanting to write this post all week, but just have gotten busy and had other posts to deal with first. But this past weekend a group of us went to see STOMP. I bought these tickets probably about 8 months ago and got online right when they went on sale, so I pretty much had my pick of any seats I wanted. So I grabbed us some 5th row center seats which were amazing, by the way! It's so much more exciting when you're that close to the stage.

I've been wanting to see STOMP for a while now. But even more than that, I've been wanting to take Jarrod to see STOMP. I knew it would be right up his alley with all of the percussion and music. Also, I love the theater so much and he just does not get excited about it, so I thought I'd try to ease him in a little. Maybe now I'll actually be able to get him to go to a show with me!

We definitely were not disappointed by the performance. The cast did a great job. They were very entertaining and so talented. It's amazing what you can use to make noise. I was also impressed how entertaining the show could be without any words.

I think everyone had a good time and it's always fun doing something different, especially where you get to dress up a little!

Now I'm sure this is totally illegal, but here's a little video I took for your viewing pleasure...

So much for my good intentions

I thought I'd be ambitious with my cooking this week. Plus, crab legs were on sale and we never get to eat crab legs. But I quickly figured out why you pay so much for crab legs at a restaurant.

Well the packaging said to steam for about 3 minutes. I put about an inch or so of water and steamer basket in my pot, got it boiling and everything, and put in the crab legs. Within about a minute and a half the thing was boiling over. It was very strange, since like I said, there was only an inch or maybe 2 of water in this huge pot. But it got all bubbly and made a mess all over my stove. So I did my best to keep it steaming without continuing to make a mess.

Oh, I almost forgot, I also was heating up the butter for dipping in on of my measuring cups and the cup cracked open across the bottom and spilt melted butter all over my microwave.

Then, once we got everything cleaned up, we gave them a try. And you know what? They weren't bad! Really good, actually. Only problem was we didn't have the right tools for eating crab legs. Then once we got about halfway through, I started noticing that the meat was mushy and kind of slimy feeling. And the smell... oh my goodness, seriously the smell was as acrid as hair dye in an enclosed space. The taste was about as bad. The problem was, by the time we realized they just weren't cooked enough, we'd already broken most of them open so we really couldn't try cooking them anymore and we just had to throw them out.

I really hate wasting food. Especially nice food that I don't buy often because it's expensive. To top it all off, my house now smells like crab. I've had to windows open and candles burning hoping to get rid of it, but it's still pretty bad. Even my jacket, which I had out last night, still smells like it.

But I suppose you live and you learn. Everyone's going to make a failed meal every now and then. I'll know better if I ever decide to try again to make sure that all of them get cooked evenly. For now, I may stick with forking over the extra cash to have them professionally cooked.

Christmas! ...a little early

I hate that I haven't written in a few days because I've had lots to write about! But it's been a busy weekend and even when I had some down time I wasn't feeling that great and tried to get some rest when I could. I've been feeling better today and ready to get back at it and get everything done that needs to get done this week!

But first, some fun stuff from this weekend. My bestest friend Rea and I went out to the Raleigh Christmas Parade. I have not been to the parade... well actually, I'm not sure that I've ever "been" to the parade. When I danced as a kid we used to perform in the parade, so we took part in that every year, but I've never attended the parade myself. So unless I went as a very little kid, this was my first time.

We got there about an hour early and the streets were already pretty packed. But we found a nice spot on Hillsborough right on the front of the curb where we hunkered down. It was actually really nice having that time before the parade started and before it got too crowded. We had such a good time talking. Reagan inspires me more than probably any other person I know. She makes me want to go after my dreams. I get so caught up in life that I forget about these things that I really want to do and she always reminds me. I love having her around. Maybe I'll actually accomplish something now that she's back!

The parade itself was wonderful! It was so fun watching everyone go by and seeing all the floats and participants. I've got lots of pictures! Coming up in a few... The only downside was my stomach started bothering me about half-way through the parade. I can deal with my Crohn's on any given day. But when it starts making me feel like I can't do stuff, that's when I really start getting upset. And I started having thoughts of, "maybe I shouldn't have come," and that really gets to me. I guess it just makes me want to beat this even more.

Well back to the parade. It was the most perfect day! A little chilly so that you had to bundle up in a scarf and blanket, but not freezing so that you're miserable. It was just what you'd want to see a Christmas parade because who wants to get into the holiday spirit in 70-degree weather??

So by the way, there was this adorable little kid that was sitting next to us and I creepily took a picture of him. Please don't think less of me.

Well, I have to say the horses may be my favorite part of the parade. They're so beautiful and make me want to go horseback riding again. Although, I will admit, they kind of stink up the place. Gotta love the guys with shovels and wheelbarrows following along behind them.

And the dogs are pretty cute, too, all dressed up for Christmas. I took a picture of the pit bull group because I knew Jarrod would like that.

I don't remember there being big balloons in the parades we danced in, but maybe I'm wrong. However, they seem kind of odd in the Raleigh Christmas Parade, because, as you can see, they have to bring them really low to get under the trees and pretty much the entire route is lined with trees.

But of course, I love the dancers! I don't feel that there were that many groups that actually danced the parade back when I did it, but there were a bunch of groups now. I'm upset that I didn't grab a picture of the group I used to dance with (well, different group, but same people), but I wasn't taking pictures at that point. But I snagged one of this cute group in Christmas outfits!

And I also saw my high school which now has a marching band! We didn't when I went there.

And finally, we have Santa to top it all off. I know I don't like celebrating Christmas before Thanksgiving, but it was fun to start getting into Christmas mode a little early. Some radio stations have already started exclusively playing Christmas music, which I am not OK with, but I don't mind getting revved up a little. But now, I'm excited to be just a couple of days off from a great Thanksgiving holiday and finally the time to get decorating for Christmas!

The week before Thanksgiving

Can I just say how excited I am about the coming week?? I think what I'm most excited about is the food! First of all, of course we have Thanksgiving next week and I am a very big fan of Thanksgiving. I mean, a holiday that revolves entirely around a meal? Can't beat that! Plus, this year, Jarrod and I will actually get to enjoy two Thanksgivings. In an effort to coordinate among the Lindseys, Hugheses and Fryes, we decided to have dinner with my parents on Friday. So this means we get to have a full Thanksgiving meal two days in a row. Last year, we had the two back-to-back, so you don't get to really dig in at either of them.

I love the preps and everything. And my sisters and I decided years ago that someday when we're the ones hosting the family dinners, we'd each take a meal. Beka took Christmas, Hannah took Easter, and I got Thanksgiving! So I always go over to my parents' house a day or two before Thanksgiving and help get everything going. We make the stuffing, so it's prepared to actually stuff the turkey. I made the sweet potatoes last year (complete with pecans and brown sugar!) And making dessert is always fun, too, but let's be honest, dessert is great, but it's not the highlight of Thanksgiving. I often don't leave much room for anything after dinner.

But even not counting Thanksgiving, I've got some good eating plans this week. I'm going to give my first go at making crab legs. They seem pretty easy. You just have to steam them, so we'll see how that goes. Plus, I noticed that filet is on sale this week, so I may pick up a couple of those to throw on the grill, too.

I'm also really looking forward to tomorrow night because we have tickets to go see STOMP with a bunch of our friends. And I bought these right when they went on sale so we literally have 5th row, center seats. We've never all gone out to a show, so I'm looking forward to doing that together. I've also always wanted Jarrod to see STOMP since I think it's a show he'll really enjoy and maybe he won't turn his nose up at theater as much.

And to top it all off, even though I do have to work Thanksgiving morning (the life of a broadcast journalist), I have a five day weekend starting at 12:30 that day. I'm excited to have that time to spend with my family and friends and... start decorating for Christmas!! Next Friday and Saturday, IT BEGINS!

400 charges? Is that all I get?

I've been somewhat without a computer this week. OK, that's not really true since I'm typing on it right now, but it's been more difficult to use. Suddenly the other day I went to turn it on and it wouldn't start up, so I figured it was out of battery. I charged it overnight and used it for a little bit that day. But the next day when I went to use it, it wouldn't start again. I started thinking, "the battery usually does not die that fast." So I plugged it in, started it up and noticed that up at the top, instead of charging, it now says, "Not Charging." And the battery indicator lights are off, so I'm thinking I may be in need of a new battery.

This hasn't been the end of the world since I can still use the computer when it's plugged in. But now I have to turn it on and off every time I'm not using it. Thank God it's a MacBook and starts up in about 30 seconds, compared to Jarrod's brand new HP computer he got from work that takes about 15 minutes to load everything up. Also, I have to be careful when I'm using it, because if I accidentally knock the plug out, then I have to start all over again.

I'm planning on taking it in to the Apple store this week, just to make sure that's the issue and I'm not going out and buying a new battery when that's not the problem. But, I mean, what's the normal life of a computer battery? I've had this computer about 3 1/2 years (seems ancient in computer time). It tells me I've charged the battery 400 times. Like literally, I've charged it exactly 400 times? Does it just quit after 400 charges? What's also weird is that it wasn't a slow death. Prior to this issue, it would stay charged for at least 3 hours.

I keep telling Jarrod I need to get a new laptop, but he tells me it's crazy to spend $1500 on a new one when this one works just fine, but I feel a little like a loser saying my laptop is a 2008 model. OK, I think I made myself just sound like an even bigger nerd.

New Meds: Round 2

Second dose of the meds went well today. Nothing earth shattering to report. The infusion was fine and I'm feeling alright now. Wish I had something more to report and hopefully I will in the coming weeks. 'Til next time.

Waiting for Round 2

I'm in the waiting room right now waiting to start my second infusion of my new meds. A brief update of the past four weeks: I've been feeling pretty good. I would say I've maintained my typical "normal". Which I suppose is a good sign with the new meds considering I haven't been off my previous meds before now. The past couple of days have been a little rough, so I've been looking forward to this appointment. I'll be sure to update following the infusion.

This is my first time posting from my phone, so we'll see how it goes. Speaking of that, how does blogger not have an app??

Engagement Party Success!

I threw my first engagement party this weekend. Well, I had a lot of help. It was actually hosted by 3 of us and we held it at Jarrod and my house. Whew, it was a lot of work, but it was also a lot of fun and totally worth it in the end.

As I've said before, we threw the party for my brother-in-law, JT, and his soon-to-be wife, Alysia. They actually got engaged back at the beginning of August, but we hadn't had to chance to really celebrate it and mark the occasion.

Emily, Sarah and I decided to do a fun Italian theme and we set up cafe tables with wine bottles as candle holders and vases.

We decorated with gerber daisies because they're Alysia's favorite.

I also borrowed some fat Italian chef' decorations from Jarrod's mom to put around the kitchen.

We cooked up some Italian appetizers like bruschetta and pepperoni poppers (those are authentic Italian, right?) and had baked ziti and chicken alfredo for dinner. And! Alysia's mom is a cake artist and made these amazing cupcakes!!

Each one had its own engagement ring on it! And they were in fabulous flavors like funfetti or filled with pudding!

We ended the night with a bonfire out on the deck, which was great to just sit around for a while with some of our best friends.

It's quite an ordeal hosting a party for 25 people, but I think the three of us really pulled it off. As far as I'm aware, everyone had a good time and the food all turned out pretty good. I know we didn't have a ton of it left. However, I will say it will probably be a while before I host something this big again. Yesterday morning I woke up having a slight panic attack about getting everything ready and by the time we got a couple hours into the party, I was so tired I could hardly stand.

But I am glad we got the opportunity to do this. We all love JT and Alysia and wanted to show them how much we appreciate them.

So congratulations, you two! Can't wait to add another Mrs. Hughes to the group!!

An update

I've been so neglectful of my blog this week and I didn't even realize it! We're 9 days into the month and I've hardly done anything. And it's not for lack of things going on. Actually, it's probably because there have been so many things going on.

Of course Jarrod is home, which has been great! So any extra time in the evenings has been spent with him. And last week I actually had a little bout with something and ended up going to Urgent Care. Nothing big, but I've been a little under the weather this week and extra tired. Getting back on track now, though. Then on top of that, I'm co-hosting the engagement party for my brother-in-law and future-sister-in-law this weekend, and since I haven't been feeling 100% I've been a little behind and playing catch-up now. But now things are coming together and I'm thinking it's going to be a great party.

OK, since this is such a lame blog post, we're going to step it up for the rest of the month. I'm not crazy enough to think I'm going to stay on top of it this week with the party, so we'll say 10 posts by Thanksgiving. Yah, I like that plan.

Happy November!

There are officially no cute alliterations to use for a November post! What am I supposed to say? Nice November?

Anyways, I can't believe we are officially into the Holiday Season. Every year it comes faster and faster. But once we're into November, I don't mind seeing the Christmas decorations starting to go up. I, personally, do not start "celebrating" until after Thanksgiving. I believe in giving attention to one holiday at a time. Plus, I'm much too big of a Thanksgiving fan to let Christmas totally steal the spotlight. But at the same time, this is the month for getting everything ready for Christmas: buying decorations and shopping for presents and picking out what you want other people to buy for you! And I think having malls and stores already decorated really gets you into that mood and makes it more fun. Now stores that are decorated before Halloween... I think that's ridiculous.

But I started off my month right this time. I had to day off (because who wants to have to go into work at 4:30am the day after Halloween?) so I took to the opportunity to sleep in a little and stop by Dunkin Donuts for a coffee. I pampered myself a little with some shopping at Urban Outfitters and a pedicure, so I once again have pretty toes! I chose "Don't Toy With Me" as my color (and yes, I do choose my nail color based on the name). I ended the evening with my wonderful family (sans husband...) to celebrate my mother's birthday. It was a great evening, but I'm feeling it now because it's always so hard to leave family gatherings and I didn't get up getting to bed until about 10 last night, when my alarm is set for 3am.

But as we move into the holidays, the month is already filling up. Jarrod's still in Canada for another 3 days (eesh), the engagement party is coming up, so lots of party planning over the next week-and-a-half, we've got tickets to see STOMP with a big group of friends (I'm so excited!), and then here comes Thanksgiving!

Last month I said I wanted to focus on me and I think I did a good job of that. I've been feeling pretty good over the past couple weeks and I have another dose of the new meds coming up in less that 2 weeks, so I'm excited to see where things go from there.

I have 2 sets of goals for this month. The first are a couple of health-related goals and the second are my personal goals.

Health Goals
-I realized this morning (not for the first time) how tense I am pretty much all the time. I want to get up some sort of stretching regiment. That's always so hard to start, but healthwise, I think it's necessary for me. Need to drill that into my head!
-Also, I've fallen out of the habit of taking some OTC meds that I really need to be taking. Need to start that up again.

Personal Goals
-Party Planning! And, of course, actually throwing a fabulous engagement party!
-Read! ...something! I should probably pick this out by the beginning of the month. That way I'm probably more likely to stick to it. I'll try to figure something out today.
-Help put on a great Thanksgiving dinner with both of my families.
-Finish Christmas shopping. Doable? I have no idea.
-Decorate for Christmas!! (After Thanksgiving, of course)

Happy Halloween!

If you haven't already figured it out by now, I love Halloween! I never celebrated Halloween as a kid. For one, we lived on a long dirt road with only about 10 homes on it, so it wasn't exactly ideal for trick-or-treaters. We usually spent Halloween at a church event or something similar. One church we attended had a big festival, complete with carnival rides and everything.

But now, I love the opportunity to have my own trick-or-treaters stop by and get some candy. I'm really looking forward to all of the cute, little kids in their fun costumes to come by in the next few hours. I am a little sad because I'm going to have to cut it a little short tonight. It's one of my good friend's birthdays and I really want to get to see her for dinner, but that cuts into trick-or-treatin' time. I'm hoping kids start coming by early enough!

Although I'm not really dressing up tonight (I'll do a little something for the kids), I did go out with my girls over the weekend and we were a trio of witches. However, I'm pretty sure I ended up looking more like a goth kid with a pointy hat than a witch, but oh well.

But whatever you end up doing this year, have a very Happy Halloween! And enjoy lots of candy!

My spooky setup

I've said before how I love any excuse to decorate and rearrange my house. That's part of why I love this time of year. Between fall, Halloween and Christmas, my house gets a brand new look every month!

And of course, decorating for Halloween is one of the most fun. I love fantasy and make-believe and Halloween to me is just another excuse to get to be a kid again. One of these days I want to have one of those crazy, extreme Halloween houses, with lights and smoke and sound effects and graveyards and tons of spider webs and on and on and on. But this may have to be something I do waaay in the future. Mainly because, I don't think we have the ideal house for something like that. While we've only have one Halloween here, from what I remember from last year, we didn't have a whole lot of older kids trick-or-treating. It was mostly the real little ones with their parents who wouldn't really appreciate a big display. Also, our house is on the street that leads up to the main road and we're only a few houses from the end. Even though we had a decent number of kids come by last year, I assume a lot of them probably turn around at the cul de sac down the street. But we'll see what happens in the future, once we have kids and holidays become an even bigger deal than they are now.

For now, I'm happy with my little decorations that I've put up. We've got some cute Halloween decorations outside, including a spider and his giant web and, of course, my little ghosty.

But what I'm really proud of is my Halloween mantle. I gathered lots of ideas from around the internet on Pinterest in order to come up with it.

My cousin and I searched everywhere before finding this fabulous candelabra at T.J. Maxx. That was the one piece I knew I had to have! And I have to admit, I'm pretty proud of my spider display, which I totally just made up and put together myself. Now I have to say, I've never been particularly crafty, but these past couple months I've been obsessed with little craft projects and I'm so pleased with how all of this came out. I even painted the "B" with a homemade crackle solution. Here's a better look at that:

It was my cousin's idea to do the googly "Boo" eyes. I'm very upset that I'm going to have to take everything down after tomorrow. I spent so much time putting together my Halloween display, I have no idea what I'm going to do for my fall mantle, until Christmas. But that's just another reason to redecorate!

Empty house

So my guy just left me... for a whole week. He's heading up to Smith's Falls, Canada to go duck hunting with a couple of his buddies. This is Jarrod's biggest hobby and definitely where he spends most of his money... and most of his time during the fall and winter.

It's been a long time since we've been apart for this long. He actually took this same trip back in 2007. Then of course there was my stint in Myrtle Beach where we only saw each other about every other weekend for the better part of a year. But the last time I think we spent more than a day or two apart was probably when he went on a cruise with his family, which I think was in the spring of 2009. So I'm not prepared for this at all.

At least I was able to work it out that I had today off from work so I could see him off this morning and we could have breakfast together. But now the house seems so empty when I think that it's just me and the dog for the next eight days. I've been working hard to book myself up over the next week, so I don't notice it quite so much. I am sad that he won't be here for Halloween. Guess it's just me and the trick-or-treaters.

So I'm hoping to make the most of the situation and get some of those things done that you don't always get done with someone else around... like read before bed or spend time with the girls. I've also got an engagement party coming up soon that I'll definitely use this week to get some planning done.

But for now, I don't like the empty house. Maybe going shopping will help...

Shift work

I feel all upside-down and backwards today. I'm working the nightshift, which means starting work at 2:30 in the afternoon and leaving around 11:30 tonight. I haven't done this shift in I believe over a year, so it'll be an adjustment today.

But it's been nice, too. Because I didn't have to go in early this morning, I had the opportunity to have dinner with Jarrod and my lovely cousin last night while she waited for her daughter's dance class to finish. And this morning, Jarrod and I had breakfast together before he went to work and then I cleaned up the house. It's so much easier to get things done before work, rather than after. That's always been an issue with the early morning shift. By the time I get home in the afternoon, I'm so tired that running errands and cleaning the house or going for a run sound absolutely dreadful. So I'm thankful that I was able to get some of those things out of the way today.

But now, I have to head out to work in about an hour or so, and I know it's going to be a long night. The nightshift is always interesting. It's heavy with activity the moment you walk in the door because you're having to get your nightside reporter teams assigned and out the door quickly and having to get caught up on everything going on, plus, you've got the shows coming up within 3 hours of you arriving. Then it slows down for a little while since it's after 5 and you can't make too many official calls and you're mostly dealing with spot news of the day.

The hardest part is definitely going to be the turnaround. So I'll get home around midnight tonight and I'll try to get to bed as soon as I can, but it's always hard to jump right into bed the moment you get home, no matter how late it is. Then, tomorrow, I'm just going to try to get in as early as I can, since how early I get in is directly related to how early I can leave. Also, I've taken Friday off, so it's my weekend after tomorrow. And since Jarrod is leaving for a week on Friday (I'll get into that later) tomorrow night is going to be my last chance to hang out with him before that, even though he'll probably spend most of the evening getting ready and not even home.

Well, it's getting a little late and I should probably go make some lunch before heading off to work. Hoping for a successful nightside shift.

A moment with God

I had an amazing moment with God today. And I could've missed it very easily. I had spoken with my cousin earlier this week about meeting up with her family at church this morning, especially since I knew Jarrod was going to be working today. So this morning my alarm went off and I ;did not want to get out of bed. I texted my cousin to see if they were still planning on going and she told me she'd had a late night and was planning on going to the later service (which I couldn't make because I have plans this afternoon) but would get up and go to the earlier service if I wanted. I told her not to worry about it and to get some sleep, then I rolled over and reset my alarm for about an hour later.

I laid in bed for maybe 10 minutes and kept debating whether or not I should get up and go to church anyways. I don't believe I've ever gone to a Sunday service by myself, so it sounded a little daunting. Like eating at a restaurant alone. But I kept debating it in my head and I realized that I was already awake by this point so I went ahead and got up to go to Celebration Family Church.

Since I'd laid in bed for so long, I ended up being about 15 minute late (eesh) and of course they take me up to the second row to sit! But it was OK, because I was seated behind some good friends of mine that I don't get to see too often. Worship is obviously in full swing by this point, so I took off my coat and almost as soon as I began to focus on the service, I started to cry. Don't know what hit me, but it was there. I know I've been in a desperate place lately and I guess I was reaching up out of there. Then they began singing this amazing song with the lyrics, "Suddenly I can feel you healing me. Sweep me away." It's a beautiful song by Charlie Hall and it hit me right where I was. To the point that I couldn't even get any words out.

The pastor called for the prayer team to come up front to be there for anyone who needed anything: healing, wisdom, strength, anything. For some reason I had in my head, "I don't want to go up there. I don't know these people. I'll just stay right here." But then my friend I mentioned before walked up and stood with them and I knew that God was calling me to stand together with someone in faith this morning, with someone who has some understanding of what I've gone through in my life. We shared a great moment of prayer and it felt good having someone else there, holding my hand and leading me to a spiritual place.

I know that this is the start of something, but I also know that I have to make it into SOMETHING. It's hard from where I've come from and I've closed myself off to a lot in the past. It's not going to be easy. I found this beautiful Psalm just now that really spoke to me.

Psalm 34 – The Message

I bless God every chance I get; my lungs expand with his praise.

I live and breathe God; if things aren't going well, hear this and be happy:

Join me in spreading the news; together let's get the word out.

God met me more than halfway, he freed me from my anxious fears.

Look at him; give him your warmest smile.

Never hide your feelings from him.

When I was desperate, I called out, and God got me out of a tight spot.

God's angel sets up a circle of protection around us while we pray.

Open your mouth and taste, open your eyes and see - how good God is.

Blessed are you who run to him.

Worship God if you want the best; worship opens doors to all his goodness.

Young lions on the prowl get hungry, but God-seekers are full of God.

Come, children, listen closely; I'll give you a lesson in God worship.

Who out there has a lust for life?

Can't wait each day to come upon beauty?

Guard your tongue from profanity, and no more lying through your teeth.

Turn your back on sin; do something good.

Embrace peace—don't let it get away!

God keeps an eye on his friends, his ears pick up every moan and groan.

God won't put up with rebels; he'll cull them from the pack.

Is anyone crying for help? God is listening, ready to rescue you.

If your heart is broken, you'll find God right there;

if you're kicked in the gut, he'll help you catch your breath.

Disciples so often get into trouble; still, God is there every time.

He's your bodyguard, shielding every bone; not even a finger gets broken.

The wicked commit slow suicide; they waste their lives hating the good.

God pays for each slave's freedom;

Happy Birthday, Hannie!

Today is a special day for a very special person. My little sissy turns 22 today. It's strange watching your little sister grow up, because, that's exactly how you think about her: she's you're little sister and she's supposed to be, well, "little." But now she's growing up to be such a beautiful woman. She's in her final year of undergrad at UNCW, studying behavioral psychology (I think...? Well, it's some sort of psychology!) and pretty much ready to go conquer the world.

In all honesty, I envy her a little. She's fearless and carefree, never met a stranger, knows what she wants and goes after it. She takes advantage of every moment and doesn't let anything hold her back. Someday, she's going to have to best stories to tell her kids about when she was their age. (Or perhaps those are the sort of stories you DON'T tell your kids.)

I still remember the days of teasing her and sending her to do all of our "errands" that we didn't feel like doing or talking to people that we didn't want to approach. She and I were definitely not the best of friends growing up. In fact, we hated each other. She bugged me and I was mean to her. When Beka went off to college, she actually told my mom that she was scared of me because Beka had always protected her. That's pretty intense. But actually, after Beka went off to college, both of us grew up and we became really good friends.

My biggest disappointment now is that I don't get to see her more often. But she's in school taking like 18 hours of class on top of holding down 2 jobs and an internship (or something equally as crazy) and it's difficult for us to just pick up for the weekend and go to visit someone, especially with having a dog at home now. But I'm very excited that I get to see her this weekend! I'm taking a day trip with my parents out to Wilmington to hang out with her for a few hours to celebrate her birthday. I'm so excited! I don't know that I've actually hung out with her since Beka's wedding. That's way too long.

So, Hannah, here's to you. You are so beautiful and inspiring and I'm so proud to have you as a sister. I hope today and this year bring you that much closer to your goals and dreams. I know you'll accomplish whatever you set out to do. Happy Birthday, love!

Round 1: Complete

I had my first round of the new meds yesterday. Everything went fine; pretty uneventful, actually. It was much less than I anticipated, just a small little bag. It took about an hour for the infusion to go through and I had to stick around for another hour for "monitoring" afterwards. I slept through most of it.

Now, 24 hours later, I feel about the same. No major changes so far. But as I said before, my doctor told me to give it 3 times before we decide its effectiveness. I already have those next 2 appointments booked, so right before Christmas I should have a better idea of where things stand. I'll post any updates if there are any...

Ready to start

Today is my first day of my new meds. I'm not gonna lie, I'm a little nervous. But just the sort of nervous you get when you're starting something new like this. I'm actually very ready to dive into something new.

 

I've been dealing with the same issues for so long that any hope of relief is a big deal right now.

 

What really makes me nervous is the fact that this is pretty much my last medical option out there. I've gone through so many other treatments that haven't worked and, at least for the time being, this is my last resort. That's why I'm really trusting that God will use this as the right option for me. But that's a hard thing to do. I'm doing my best to keep my faith alive and know that it's in His hands.

 

I also am keeping in mind that these meds don't often make everything better overnight. My doctor told me that it usually takes about 3 times before most start noticing a difference. That's 2 months from now. Of course, sometimes you may notice a difference right away, but I don't want to get discouraged if I'm not feeling great within a couple of days.

 

It's a lot to wrap your mind around. I think above all, I'm just ready to get things rolling. I'm glad that my issues over the past couple of weeks haven't pushed this back even further. It's time for a change and I'm trusting that this is the right one.

Not what I had planned

When I said I had planned to focus on me and getting back on track, I hadn't meant that I was going to neglect my blog, but unfortunately, life likes to get in the way sometimes.

 

I've had a rough couple here. I told you in my last post that I had been feeling a little under-the-weather following my colonoscopy, and honestly, things continued to go downhill from there.

 

I spent 2 weeks being very nauseous and dehydrated and basically just worn down... to the point where it was hard to get out of bed in the morning. I made it to 3 days of work out of 10 and one of those I had to have Jarrod come pick me up because my head was spinning so badly that I wasn't sure I'd be able to make it home. I ended up checking myself into the ER and spending a night at UNC Hospital.

 

Turns out I had an infection that was causing some other problems, so they pumped me full of antibiotics and fluids and I've been feeling much better ever since. However, it did remind me how horrible it is to stay in the hospital. It's uncomfortable, loud, smelly, there are constantly people in and out of your room disrupting you, and to top it all off, I had a shared room. When you're vulnerable and spending time in the hospital, the last thing you want is someone you don't know staring you down across the room.

 

But like I said, I'm doing much better now, trying to take it easy and get some rest. And I just realized, I hadn't mentioned that I start my new medication tomorrow! I'm really excited about the possibilities here. I'm looking forward to getting things rolling. I'll get into it a little more tomorrow. For now, back to the grind...

A different sort of goal

I've been out of loop for the past several days. Actually, I've been holed up in my house catching up on lots of sleep and drinking lots of water.

I had a colonoscopy on Monday, so I obviously had to spend the day before prepping for that (ugh!). It went fine. The results, however, weren't what I was hoping for, but perhaps what I was expecting. I still have to wait about another week for some more results to come in before I know when I can start the new medication.

Then to top it off, I've been pretty under the weather the past couple of days. I'm not sure if it was the procedure or maybe a reaction to the anesthesia, but I've been worn down, dehydrated and nauseous ever since I woke up Monday evening. I was finally feeling better today and got some errands run and the house tidied up... but this evening I'm not feeling as great. I got a little dehydrated again, so I'm working on downing a ton of water!

This is normally where I'd write my monthly goals and, honestly, I have some for this month, but that's not what I need to focus on right now. I need to focus on me and fighting this stuff. Now's the time that I have to make some very important decisions that will seriously affect the rest of my life. So my goal for this month is like I said: focusing me and getting back on track.

As far as last months goals, I did pretty good. However, I didn't read a good book like I'd like to have. I do want to do that soon.

This is how Saturdays in the fall should be

Happy October! Too busy with football today for the monthly goals... Coming soon!

What a month!

Wow, I almost can't believe I did it. I posted the same number of blog posts in 1 month as I did in 5 months last year. Although, 19 posts doesn't sound like that many. I remember when my friend Nancy Ray did 100 posts in 100 days. Now that's some intense blogging! But still, making sure I stayed on top of it this month was a challenge. And as you can see, I just eeked by. No extra posts just for good measure. (Now I may just have to post something tomorrow to throw the whole thing off!)

 

I had to consciously think about it every day and say to myself, "Ok, I posted yesterday, so if I don't post anything today, then I have to tomorrow," and so on. Staying on top of a job with crazy hours, trying to have a life and writing about it is a lot to keep up with. I have a lot of respect for people who do it all and do it all of the time.

 

I would like to continue the trend. However, I think 19 posts a month, at least for the time being, is a little ambitious. I'll probably stick to the 10-15 range. I did like having a goal I had to stick to. It made me write even when I really didn't have anything I felt like writing about (i.e. This post is not about anything). But I'm proud of myself and hope to continue to grow over the coming months... even though I know they're going to start getting very busy with the holidays coming! And who knows, maybe I'll be able to get working on the "project" I talked about a couple of months back.

This post is not about anything

I just realized that my last three posts all include the word "fall" in the title. Obsessed, perhaps?

So on a completely un-fall-related note, I have had the hardest time writing this post today. I already wrote most of another post before I realized that I was bored with it and moved on to something else. But now I'm just sitting here, half-watching a new TV show, because I like to check out the new stuff and see if it's any good. But honestly, I'm just tired and having a hard time focusing on anything.

Jarrod won't be home for another half-hour or so and then I have to be getting to bed about a half-hour after that. I feel like I haven't accomplished much today. Work was frustrating and boring and now I'm home... and tired... and doing nothing... and writing about nothing.

Fall craft-time

Fall candy jars!

More craftiness coming soon!

Operation: Fall Decorating

Fall decorating is under way! As part of my usual Saturday morning house cleaning, I went ahead and switched out some of my normal house decor for some more fall inspired pieces.

I added in a couple of orange pillows. My sister and cousin kept telling me that I need to add more color to my house. I tend to stick to blues and greens. See my thing is this, I'm not a designer and I don't have a designer eye, so I tend to stick to what I know and try to keep a color theme constant throughout the house. But then a designer comes in and can see where I can add in accents and those other elements that us normal folk don't always think about. So they were telling me that adding in some coral and orange would be a good compliment. I was a little hesitant, but I took their advice and it really does look nice.

I also set up my fall inspired dining table! I've got my new table runner and my gold chargers and my jars set up that I plan to fill with candy - as soon as I get to the store and buy some!

I love this time of year when I have an excuse to redecorate. Eight months of the year the house is set up one way and then there are four months of fall and Halloween and Christmas to decorate again! I've had fun getting things rolling this year and I can't wait to continue setting things up over the coming weeks.

Here's what I've done so far...

Fall is here!

It's the first day of fall and it's raining, but I've got my boots and my Coach raincoat and a Pumpkin Spice latte to get me through it! I'm so excited this day is finally here. I've been stocking up on fall decorations for the past few weeks and have been dying to set some of them up, but I have this weird thing about putting out fall decorations before it's actually fall... just like I have a weird think with wearing boots or sweaters or jackets before it's actually fall.

But now the day is here and I don't have to worry anymore. Although I am very upset because I have been looking for a candelabra for my Halloween decor and I found the most absolutely fabulous one yesterday! But I get home and  find that it doesn't fit. I could've cried. But both my sister and cousin (who are both designer/decorators, by the way) say there's a way to make it work, so we'll see about that.

I am afraid, however, that fall decorating will likely have to wait until the weekend because I've got a hot date tonight. I don't live off of a credit card, but I do put most of my purchases on there and then pay them off at the end of the week, because that way I don't pay any interest, but I do get reward points. So every few months I get enough points to buy a gift card, so I always get one to a restaurant that Jarrod and I can use for a date night. Tonight, we're going to Bonefish and I am so excited to get to wear my new dress! It may be a little summery, but I ran out of options of wearing it in the summer, so tonight will have to do! I'm hoping the weather will clear up a bit so I can actually get all madeup without looking awful by the time I get to the restaurant.

So here's to a great fall and hopefully some 70-degree weather!

Final Days of Summer

In honor of the last day of summer, I am wearing a skirt and flip flops today. Over the past couple of weeks I've been pulling out all of my sundresses and other summery items so I could wear them one more time before the seasons change.

This past weekend already made me realize how much I will miss the summer and its warmth. It got down to what? 55-degrees? and I was already freezing! Literally, chill bumps, teeth chattering, the whole deal. They also tend to keep it very cold at work and I will definitely miss being able to go outside to warm up. I already pulled out my blanket this morning.

What I will miss about the summer: the warmth, the sundresses, the cookouts, the flowering plants
What I won't miss about summer: the rain, the high a/c bills, the sweating

I'm Negative!

That's right, I'm celebrating the negative today. I told you a couple of weeks ago about a test I had done that would determine whether or not I am a candidate for a new Crohn's treatment. (A Big Test) Well, I got the results back today and... it was NEGATIVE! (Which is a good thing because it means I'm negative for having this virus that can cause issues.)

I got so excited this afternoon that I literally started crying. All of the other medications I've ever been on have made my Crohn's "tolerable," but not much more than that. If there's even a chance that this one can make a difference then I'm ready to start right now! I do need to have a colonoscopy first (ick!) just to get a baseline for where things stand, so I'm trying to set that up within the next week or two. I'm hoping I can start this sometime next month, but I don't know if it'll be that quick. But I'll keep you posted on the progress!

Can I get a weekend do-over?

Wow, this has been a rough weekend. It started off well with FashionSPARK with my family. (My cousin was actually in the show! I'll probably post about this later this week.) But it's all been downhill from there.

I won't get into all of the details of the weekend, but it involved cold and rain and long walks in very uncomfortable shoes and a horrible, horrible headache. And now it's 7:00 on Sunday evening and I have to be heading to bed within the hour and I feel that I've lost the whole weekend. I need a do-over, because a week of getting up at 3:30 am requires a weekend off!

On top of it all, since this weekend turned out the way that it did, I never got the chance to run the errands I needed to run so I need to do all of those this week, too. Sigh, it's going to be a long week...

Back to School?

I had coffee with my college roommate Katherine today. (I had to get in at least one last iced green tea latte from Starbucks before it gets cold.) It was so nice to see her. She's so easy to just hang out with and talk about everything going on. We definitely don't spend enough time together, so it's always refreshing to hear about what's new in her life.

We ended up talking about our futures and where we see ourselves in the coming years. The option of going back to school came up and I said how much I'd love to be able to do that, but between losing my salary and adding in tuition and other school fees, I just didn't see how it would be possible. She asked if I would be able to get a part-time job during that time... and it really got me thinking. Of course it wouldn't be easy taking on 18 hours a year of graduate level work plus a part-time job, but I think it would be doable.

I started looking into it more when I got home. I was looking up financial aid options and, of course, teacher assistantships are the main option. I'm not sure what sort of a teacher that I'd make, but at the same time, that would be some valuable experience and give me options for the future. Of course, being a TA wouldn't include much pay ($9000/year plus tuition costs), but I did that math and that's the same as making $15/hour at a part-time job (and let's be honest, it'd be difficult to find something part-time where I'd be making more than that, especially in this economy).

I think it's a little too late to look at next year. I'd have to take the GRE next month (yah, right!) and apply by January, which would include a whole heck of a lot of writing samples, etc. But I'm seriously considering looking at the year after that. That gives me a year and a half to get everything together and study and write! That's still pretty daunting, and would take a lot of discipline, but this may be the last time in my life where I have the option of doing this.

Don't hold me to this. I haven't even talked with Jarrod about it yet. But it's on my mind and I felt like writing about it. So it's definitely something I'm considering. But it would affect a lot of things over the coming year. I wouldn't graduate until 2015. I mean, that's a long way off. Hmm... lots to think about...

A day at the outlets

I had so much fun outlet shopping with my sister yesterday! I had the day off so I figured, why not hit up the outlets when they're not so crazy like they are on the weekends?? I knew I needed a new pair of black heels, but otherwise had a little money to spend how I wanted.

As I look ahead to the weather coming this weekend (and the 60-degrees!!), I'm trying to really enjoy these final days of Summer and being able to wear sundresses and flip-flops. It was the perfect day to be outside at the outlet mall. I would've been fine just walking around, sipping smoothies and window shopping. But of course, you can't leave the outlets without picking up a few things.

I got some cute winter/work dresses from Banana Republic, but my favorite find were these Betsey Johnson shoes from Off 5th Avenue. $36, thank you very much!

A quiet morning

I really enjoy a quiet morning like this. I'm sitting out on my back deck with my coffee, muffins and MacBook. The only interruption has been Rylie trying to burrow herself out of the backyard in search of rabbits.

I've spent the past little while going through Beka's wedding pictures for the first real time. Before I went through them all but didn't actually look at them individually. But I think I'm going to have to take a break, because I've been going through them for nearly 45 minutes and I'm not even half-way through, so I think I should probably start getting some stuff done around here.

We'll Never Forget

I'm not sure where to even begin for this post. It has been a difficult morning. Jarrod and I woke up to watch the ceremonies remembering those lost on September 11, 2001. I remember that day so vividly, as I know everyone in my generation and those before do as well. As I watch these people remembering their loved ones and see young children who were only babies when they lost a parent that day, I can't help but cry. It's so heartbreaking to remember the feelings of fear and pain and outrage of that day. I think about how much that day has affected me, and I wasn't even personally involved in it. It's the collective feeling of being an American and America was attacked. It feels personal to me.

On that day in 2001, I was in my sophomore year of high school and would have been in first period Yearbook when the first plane hit, but at that time, so word had gotten to us, of course. I then went to second period Spanish and it was after that class that I first found out about it. I walked out of my class and a friend of mine caught up with me. He was an office assistant for second period, so he'd heard what was going on from the office staff. He asked me if I'd heard the news, that the World Trade towers had been bombed and there was a fire at the Pentagon, because that was what was being reported at the time. It had to be around 9:45am that I found out.

I continued on to third period History, and being only 15, did not understand the weight of what was happening. I remember walking into class and making some joke like, "We're all going to die!" and the classroom was buzzing as everyone had just found out. My teacher walked in a minute or so later and told us, "You guys don't understand the severity what's going on right now." I remember the classroom going silent. We all went into the classroom next door because it has TVs in it and started watching what was happening. The rest of the day is somewhat a blur. I remember standing there watching live as the towers fell. We were all in disbelief and tried to comprehend what was happening. I think we stayed in there for the duration of that period and then the school called an assembly in the auditorium.

I stopped by my mom's room, because she had just started teaching there and her classroom was nearby. I don't remember what we talked about, but I remember feeling better having spoken to her. At the assembly, I remember coming together and watching more on a projected screen and our teachers trying their best to help us understand and praying for those involved.

I can't believe it has been 10 years since that day. Seeing video of that day still hurts. Remembering those feelings at the age of 15 is still haunting. It's still difficult to understand that there are people out there in the world who would want to hurt you for no reason, at least any reason that would make sense to you. I wonder how the world would be different today if this had never happened. Are we a stronger country today? We are at least are more prepared for whatever threats may come against us. Are we more unified as a people? Probably not. But on this day we are. Today, as a collective people, we remember those whose lives were needlessly taken. We remember those who gave up those lives in order to save those they could. We think of those who lost those they loved the most.

And today is a day when these thoughts are in the front of our mind, but even as we continue from here, we'll never forget.

Adventures in Grilling...Part 2

I was wrong to worry. They were delicious! My husband is the grilling master. I'll never doubt him again... maybe. But they weren't too spicy and tasted fantastic. I guess I'm gonna have to send Jarrod out in the cold to fire up the grill some in the coming months because I don't think I'll last until Spring without some grilled goodness.

Adventures in Grilling...Part 1

I am so excited about the Fall! In the coming weeks you'll see lots of posts about all of my big plans for the season! But one thing that upsets me about moving into the chillier part of the year is the end of grilling season.

As a wedding present, Jarrod's aunts and uncles all pitched in to buy us a Weber grill and, let me tell you, it's one of the best presents we got! We use it all of the time and Jarrod has become a grilling master. There is nothing this man can't cook on that grill. Filet, kabobs, sashimi tuna... it all comes out amazing.

However, tonight we're making ribs, which we've never done before. And I'm a little nervous. Really it's because I wasn't sure what kind of sauce to get. Neither Jarrod nor I are big BBQ sauce people, so I was on the phone with him while at the store today trying to figure out the best kind. Jarrod told me to get the John Boy and Billy Grilling Sauce and I'm not so sure it was the best choice. First of all, it's not BBQ-y at all... and I feel that ribs need to be BBQ-y. Also, I think it's gonna be too spicy for me. Oh well, we'll see in a couple of hours. Post 2 COMING SOON!

Wedding Picture Fun!

I got to relive my sister's wedding a little today. Beka's pictures were posted yesterday by the lovely Nancy Ray. I had so much fun going through them. I remember all the fun of getting ready with everyone (even though I had a bit of a rough time because I forgot my shoes!) and taking lots of pictures and feeling goofy when Nancy tells you to "look at each other and laugh." We had a great time dancing the night away and watching Nate teach us all how to Dougie.

I love the emotion in my dad's face as he danced with my sister and seeing how proud my mom looked. I love the pictures that capture my sister and Nathan looking at each other with so much love. I love the pictures where the person obviously didn't know their pictures were being taken. I love the ones of baby Jordan! And I love the crazy ones of us dancing and well, just being crazy.

I know I've missed some gems in there, too, and I'll come across them later and get to reminiscing all over again. I picked out a few of my favorites. I tried to narrow it down, I really did, but it's the best I could do! So enjoy! You can take part in the fun, too!

A Big Test

I took a pretty important test today (and no, it was not a pregnancy test, because I know that's where all of your minds just went.) It was a JC Virus Antibody test. If you remember my post from a couple of months ago where I talked about some changes I was making because of my Crohn's Disease, I mentioned there was this new medication that my doctor wanted me to consider, but it's got some pretty bad side effects. Well, essentially, this test will tell me whether or not I have to worry about those side effects. My doctor told me before that you've got about a 50/50 chance of having it.

If it comes back negative, the odds of these side effects drop to almost zero. But if it comes back positive, the odds go way high and basically takes this new medication off the table. I've been on my current medication for about 2 1/2 years now, and it has never really made that big of an improvement in my life. I mean I'm stable and it's kept things at a tolerable state, but I'm looking for some options that can make a big difference. This new medication may be one of those options.

My doctor told me this test just got approved by the FDA in the U.S. and just got the approval needed from the UNC Hospital system like today. So I'm the first one there to have this test done. Don't worry, it was nothing fancy. All they did was take some blood, so it wasn't some weird test I actually had to do anything for.

But now I have to wait. Of course they weren't sure exactly how long since I'm the first one to have it done, but he thought about a week or so. I've been praying all day that this will open up some doors for me. I'll be sure to post an update when I know more. But for now... we'll just keep praying.