Happy Halloween!

If you haven't already figured it out by now, I love Halloween! I never celebrated Halloween as a kid. For one, we lived on a long dirt road with only about 10 homes on it, so it wasn't exactly ideal for trick-or-treaters. We usually spent Halloween at a church event or something similar. One church we attended had a big festival, complete with carnival rides and everything.

But now, I love the opportunity to have my own trick-or-treaters stop by and get some candy. I'm really looking forward to all of the cute, little kids in their fun costumes to come by in the next few hours. I am a little sad because I'm going to have to cut it a little short tonight. It's one of my good friend's birthdays and I really want to get to see her for dinner, but that cuts into trick-or-treatin' time. I'm hoping kids start coming by early enough!

Although I'm not really dressing up tonight (I'll do a little something for the kids), I did go out with my girls over the weekend and we were a trio of witches. However, I'm pretty sure I ended up looking more like a goth kid with a pointy hat than a witch, but oh well.

But whatever you end up doing this year, have a very Happy Halloween! And enjoy lots of candy!

My spooky setup

I've said before how I love any excuse to decorate and rearrange my house. That's part of why I love this time of year. Between fall, Halloween and Christmas, my house gets a brand new look every month!

And of course, decorating for Halloween is one of the most fun. I love fantasy and make-believe and Halloween to me is just another excuse to get to be a kid again. One of these days I want to have one of those crazy, extreme Halloween houses, with lights and smoke and sound effects and graveyards and tons of spider webs and on and on and on. But this may have to be something I do waaay in the future. Mainly because, I don't think we have the ideal house for something like that. While we've only have one Halloween here, from what I remember from last year, we didn't have a whole lot of older kids trick-or-treating. It was mostly the real little ones with their parents who wouldn't really appreciate a big display. Also, our house is on the street that leads up to the main road and we're only a few houses from the end. Even though we had a decent number of kids come by last year, I assume a lot of them probably turn around at the cul de sac down the street. But we'll see what happens in the future, once we have kids and holidays become an even bigger deal than they are now.

For now, I'm happy with my little decorations that I've put up. We've got some cute Halloween decorations outside, including a spider and his giant web and, of course, my little ghosty.

But what I'm really proud of is my Halloween mantle. I gathered lots of ideas from around the internet on Pinterest in order to come up with it.

My cousin and I searched everywhere before finding this fabulous candelabra at T.J. Maxx. That was the one piece I knew I had to have! And I have to admit, I'm pretty proud of my spider display, which I totally just made up and put together myself. Now I have to say, I've never been particularly crafty, but these past couple months I've been obsessed with little craft projects and I'm so pleased with how all of this came out. I even painted the "B" with a homemade crackle solution. Here's a better look at that:

It was my cousin's idea to do the googly "Boo" eyes. I'm very upset that I'm going to have to take everything down after tomorrow. I spent so much time putting together my Halloween display, I have no idea what I'm going to do for my fall mantle, until Christmas. But that's just another reason to redecorate!

Empty house

So my guy just left me... for a whole week. He's heading up to Smith's Falls, Canada to go duck hunting with a couple of his buddies. This is Jarrod's biggest hobby and definitely where he spends most of his money... and most of his time during the fall and winter.

It's been a long time since we've been apart for this long. He actually took this same trip back in 2007. Then of course there was my stint in Myrtle Beach where we only saw each other about every other weekend for the better part of a year. But the last time I think we spent more than a day or two apart was probably when he went on a cruise with his family, which I think was in the spring of 2009. So I'm not prepared for this at all.

At least I was able to work it out that I had today off from work so I could see him off this morning and we could have breakfast together. But now the house seems so empty when I think that it's just me and the dog for the next eight days. I've been working hard to book myself up over the next week, so I don't notice it quite so much. I am sad that he won't be here for Halloween. Guess it's just me and the trick-or-treaters.

So I'm hoping to make the most of the situation and get some of those things done that you don't always get done with someone else around... like read before bed or spend time with the girls. I've also got an engagement party coming up soon that I'll definitely use this week to get some planning done.

But for now, I don't like the empty house. Maybe going shopping will help...

Shift work

I feel all upside-down and backwards today. I'm working the nightshift, which means starting work at 2:30 in the afternoon and leaving around 11:30 tonight. I haven't done this shift in I believe over a year, so it'll be an adjustment today.

But it's been nice, too. Because I didn't have to go in early this morning, I had the opportunity to have dinner with Jarrod and my lovely cousin last night while she waited for her daughter's dance class to finish. And this morning, Jarrod and I had breakfast together before he went to work and then I cleaned up the house. It's so much easier to get things done before work, rather than after. That's always been an issue with the early morning shift. By the time I get home in the afternoon, I'm so tired that running errands and cleaning the house or going for a run sound absolutely dreadful. So I'm thankful that I was able to get some of those things out of the way today.

But now, I have to head out to work in about an hour or so, and I know it's going to be a long night. The nightshift is always interesting. It's heavy with activity the moment you walk in the door because you're having to get your nightside reporter teams assigned and out the door quickly and having to get caught up on everything going on, plus, you've got the shows coming up within 3 hours of you arriving. Then it slows down for a little while since it's after 5 and you can't make too many official calls and you're mostly dealing with spot news of the day.

The hardest part is definitely going to be the turnaround. So I'll get home around midnight tonight and I'll try to get to bed as soon as I can, but it's always hard to jump right into bed the moment you get home, no matter how late it is. Then, tomorrow, I'm just going to try to get in as early as I can, since how early I get in is directly related to how early I can leave. Also, I've taken Friday off, so it's my weekend after tomorrow. And since Jarrod is leaving for a week on Friday (I'll get into that later) tomorrow night is going to be my last chance to hang out with him before that, even though he'll probably spend most of the evening getting ready and not even home.

Well, it's getting a little late and I should probably go make some lunch before heading off to work. Hoping for a successful nightside shift.

A moment with God

I had an amazing moment with God today. And I could've missed it very easily. I had spoken with my cousin earlier this week about meeting up with her family at church this morning, especially since I knew Jarrod was going to be working today. So this morning my alarm went off and I ;did not want to get out of bed. I texted my cousin to see if they were still planning on going and she told me she'd had a late night and was planning on going to the later service (which I couldn't make because I have plans this afternoon) but would get up and go to the earlier service if I wanted. I told her not to worry about it and to get some sleep, then I rolled over and reset my alarm for about an hour later.

I laid in bed for maybe 10 minutes and kept debating whether or not I should get up and go to church anyways. I don't believe I've ever gone to a Sunday service by myself, so it sounded a little daunting. Like eating at a restaurant alone. But I kept debating it in my head and I realized that I was already awake by this point so I went ahead and got up to go to Celebration Family Church.

Since I'd laid in bed for so long, I ended up being about 15 minute late (eesh) and of course they take me up to the second row to sit! But it was OK, because I was seated behind some good friends of mine that I don't get to see too often. Worship is obviously in full swing by this point, so I took off my coat and almost as soon as I began to focus on the service, I started to cry. Don't know what hit me, but it was there. I know I've been in a desperate place lately and I guess I was reaching up out of there. Then they began singing this amazing song with the lyrics, "Suddenly I can feel you healing me. Sweep me away." It's a beautiful song by Charlie Hall and it hit me right where I was. To the point that I couldn't even get any words out.

The pastor called for the prayer team to come up front to be there for anyone who needed anything: healing, wisdom, strength, anything. For some reason I had in my head, "I don't want to go up there. I don't know these people. I'll just stay right here." But then my friend I mentioned before walked up and stood with them and I knew that God was calling me to stand together with someone in faith this morning, with someone who has some understanding of what I've gone through in my life. We shared a great moment of prayer and it felt good having someone else there, holding my hand and leading me to a spiritual place.

I know that this is the start of something, but I also know that I have to make it into SOMETHING. It's hard from where I've come from and I've closed myself off to a lot in the past. It's not going to be easy. I found this beautiful Psalm just now that really spoke to me.

Psalm 34 – The Message

I bless God every chance I get; my lungs expand with his praise.

I live and breathe God; if things aren't going well, hear this and be happy:

Join me in spreading the news; together let's get the word out.

God met me more than halfway, he freed me from my anxious fears.

Look at him; give him your warmest smile.

Never hide your feelings from him.

When I was desperate, I called out, and God got me out of a tight spot.

God's angel sets up a circle of protection around us while we pray.

Open your mouth and taste, open your eyes and see - how good God is.

Blessed are you who run to him.

Worship God if you want the best; worship opens doors to all his goodness.

Young lions on the prowl get hungry, but God-seekers are full of God.

Come, children, listen closely; I'll give you a lesson in God worship.

Who out there has a lust for life?

Can't wait each day to come upon beauty?

Guard your tongue from profanity, and no more lying through your teeth.

Turn your back on sin; do something good.

Embrace peace—don't let it get away!

God keeps an eye on his friends, his ears pick up every moan and groan.

God won't put up with rebels; he'll cull them from the pack.

Is anyone crying for help? God is listening, ready to rescue you.

If your heart is broken, you'll find God right there;

if you're kicked in the gut, he'll help you catch your breath.

Disciples so often get into trouble; still, God is there every time.

He's your bodyguard, shielding every bone; not even a finger gets broken.

The wicked commit slow suicide; they waste their lives hating the good.

God pays for each slave's freedom;

Happy Birthday, Hannie!

Today is a special day for a very special person. My little sissy turns 22 today. It's strange watching your little sister grow up, because, that's exactly how you think about her: she's you're little sister and she's supposed to be, well, "little." But now she's growing up to be such a beautiful woman. She's in her final year of undergrad at UNCW, studying behavioral psychology (I think...? Well, it's some sort of psychology!) and pretty much ready to go conquer the world.

In all honesty, I envy her a little. She's fearless and carefree, never met a stranger, knows what she wants and goes after it. She takes advantage of every moment and doesn't let anything hold her back. Someday, she's going to have to best stories to tell her kids about when she was their age. (Or perhaps those are the sort of stories you DON'T tell your kids.)

I still remember the days of teasing her and sending her to do all of our "errands" that we didn't feel like doing or talking to people that we didn't want to approach. She and I were definitely not the best of friends growing up. In fact, we hated each other. She bugged me and I was mean to her. When Beka went off to college, she actually told my mom that she was scared of me because Beka had always protected her. That's pretty intense. But actually, after Beka went off to college, both of us grew up and we became really good friends.

My biggest disappointment now is that I don't get to see her more often. But she's in school taking like 18 hours of class on top of holding down 2 jobs and an internship (or something equally as crazy) and it's difficult for us to just pick up for the weekend and go to visit someone, especially with having a dog at home now. But I'm very excited that I get to see her this weekend! I'm taking a day trip with my parents out to Wilmington to hang out with her for a few hours to celebrate her birthday. I'm so excited! I don't know that I've actually hung out with her since Beka's wedding. That's way too long.

So, Hannah, here's to you. You are so beautiful and inspiring and I'm so proud to have you as a sister. I hope today and this year bring you that much closer to your goals and dreams. I know you'll accomplish whatever you set out to do. Happy Birthday, love!

Round 1: Complete

I had my first round of the new meds yesterday. Everything went fine; pretty uneventful, actually. It was much less than I anticipated, just a small little bag. It took about an hour for the infusion to go through and I had to stick around for another hour for "monitoring" afterwards. I slept through most of it.

Now, 24 hours later, I feel about the same. No major changes so far. But as I said before, my doctor told me to give it 3 times before we decide its effectiveness. I already have those next 2 appointments booked, so right before Christmas I should have a better idea of where things stand. I'll post any updates if there are any...

Ready to start

Today is my first day of my new meds. I'm not gonna lie, I'm a little nervous. But just the sort of nervous you get when you're starting something new like this. I'm actually very ready to dive into something new.

 

I've been dealing with the same issues for so long that any hope of relief is a big deal right now.

 

What really makes me nervous is the fact that this is pretty much my last medical option out there. I've gone through so many other treatments that haven't worked and, at least for the time being, this is my last resort. That's why I'm really trusting that God will use this as the right option for me. But that's a hard thing to do. I'm doing my best to keep my faith alive and know that it's in His hands.

 

I also am keeping in mind that these meds don't often make everything better overnight. My doctor told me that it usually takes about 3 times before most start noticing a difference. That's 2 months from now. Of course, sometimes you may notice a difference right away, but I don't want to get discouraged if I'm not feeling great within a couple of days.

 

It's a lot to wrap your mind around. I think above all, I'm just ready to get things rolling. I'm glad that my issues over the past couple of weeks haven't pushed this back even further. It's time for a change and I'm trusting that this is the right one.

Not what I had planned

When I said I had planned to focus on me and getting back on track, I hadn't meant that I was going to neglect my blog, but unfortunately, life likes to get in the way sometimes.

 

I've had a rough couple here. I told you in my last post that I had been feeling a little under-the-weather following my colonoscopy, and honestly, things continued to go downhill from there.

 

I spent 2 weeks being very nauseous and dehydrated and basically just worn down... to the point where it was hard to get out of bed in the morning. I made it to 3 days of work out of 10 and one of those I had to have Jarrod come pick me up because my head was spinning so badly that I wasn't sure I'd be able to make it home. I ended up checking myself into the ER and spending a night at UNC Hospital.

 

Turns out I had an infection that was causing some other problems, so they pumped me full of antibiotics and fluids and I've been feeling much better ever since. However, it did remind me how horrible it is to stay in the hospital. It's uncomfortable, loud, smelly, there are constantly people in and out of your room disrupting you, and to top it all off, I had a shared room. When you're vulnerable and spending time in the hospital, the last thing you want is someone you don't know staring you down across the room.

 

But like I said, I'm doing much better now, trying to take it easy and get some rest. And I just realized, I hadn't mentioned that I start my new medication tomorrow! I'm really excited about the possibilities here. I'm looking forward to getting things rolling. I'll get into it a little more tomorrow. For now, back to the grind...

A different sort of goal

I've been out of loop for the past several days. Actually, I've been holed up in my house catching up on lots of sleep and drinking lots of water.

I had a colonoscopy on Monday, so I obviously had to spend the day before prepping for that (ugh!). It went fine. The results, however, weren't what I was hoping for, but perhaps what I was expecting. I still have to wait about another week for some more results to come in before I know when I can start the new medication.

Then to top it off, I've been pretty under the weather the past couple of days. I'm not sure if it was the procedure or maybe a reaction to the anesthesia, but I've been worn down, dehydrated and nauseous ever since I woke up Monday evening. I was finally feeling better today and got some errands run and the house tidied up... but this evening I'm not feeling as great. I got a little dehydrated again, so I'm working on downing a ton of water!

This is normally where I'd write my monthly goals and, honestly, I have some for this month, but that's not what I need to focus on right now. I need to focus on me and fighting this stuff. Now's the time that I have to make some very important decisions that will seriously affect the rest of my life. So my goal for this month is like I said: focusing me and getting back on track.

As far as last months goals, I did pretty good. However, I didn't read a good book like I'd like to have. I do want to do that soon.

This is how Saturdays in the fall should be

Happy October! Too busy with football today for the monthly goals... Coming soon!