See you later

I'm currently taking a hiatus from this blog to work on a new project: The Stolen Colon

Please come check it out!

Glory Tree Flowers

I recently guest posted for Glory Tree Flowers. Here's a link to the post. Thanks again to my bestie, Reagan Reynolds!

You are nobody special

In my writing class the other day, this was the prompt we were given: "In one page, say everything important there is to say about the world. (If you had only one page to fill with everything vital, urgent and necessary that you know/feel/suspect, what would that page be? Of the world as you have experienced it, what is absolutely crucial to report?)" I had a difficult time getting going on this assignment because I could not think of where to begin. Each day for a week I'd think about it and try to figure out what direction to go, but got nowhere, until finally, on the day of the class, I figured out the path I wanted to take. And here's what came out of it.

You are nobody special. The good news is, neither am I. The world will try to make you think that others are more important, but the truth is, they're nobody special either. We all came into the world the same way and we'll all leave it the same way, albeit, by a number of different means.

We're all tiny cogs in a very big machine. We're more important as a whole than as an individual.  The world doesn't care about you. If one of those cogs was replaced with another, the machine would continue to run as usual, without a second thought.

There are the few that will make an impact on the world. They'll rise up and incite change. But even they are nothing without the thousands and millions and even billions of others.

If you want to change the world, you're more than welcome to try. But in my experience, what's more important is the impact you leave on those closest to you.

Life is what you make of it. If you want to go through life on your own and never let anyone else in, you can. If you want to have fun all of the time and never think about the consequences, you can do that, too, but it'll probably catch up with you sooner or later. Or you can build a life for yourself and the people that you care about and the people that will come after you.

To me, the most important things in life are a smile to brighten someone's day, helping those who may not have as much as you do, being there for your friend when they really need you, spending time in the arms of the one you love. Little things that make an impact on those around you. Those are the legacies that really matter. Because to those people, you are somebody special.

Lovely Spring

And everything that’s new has bravely surfaced

Teaching us to breathe

What was frozen through is newly purposed

Turning all things green

So it is with You

And how You make me new

With every season’s change

And so it will be

As You are re-creating me

Summer, autumn, winter, spring

-Nichole Nordeman, "Every Season"

It feels as if the year just started, yet here we are and it's April and spring is in the air. I love it when the warm air begins to move through and the plants and flowers start coming out. It's amazing to see how every year, new life is given to the things that were "dead" just a few months before. I love the beautiful reminder of rebirth and renewal. It gives me hope.

I've been a little MIA from the online world lately because I've been doing some soul searching. I've been praying and trying to figure out what's the next step for me. I'm continuing to make changes and adjustments and working to find my niche.

I'm enjoying my job and my writing class and I'm trying new things with my diet and my health. I'm learning to trust that God will see us through... whatever it may be, finances, my health, Jarrod and my relationship. It's hard to give up control, but I'm working on it.

For this month, I'm going to continue to keep it simple.
-I want to start writing every day. Even just 15 minutes at first and work it into my daily routine.
-Continue on working on things for my health, drinking more water, taking the right supplements, getting more exercise and eating the right things.

That may not sound like a lot, but with what I've been dealing with lately, it'll be plenty to keep my hands full.

Pass the nutmeg

My mom is a wonderful cook. All growing up, she always had a fabulous homemade dinner on the table when we came home from school. I'm still constantly calling her from the grocery store asking her about some ingredient or asking her how to making something.

One of my favorite dishes she makes is pork chops in a creamy mushroom sauce. Basically, it's pork chops slow cooked with cream of mushroom soup. But of course, I can no longer eat cream of mushroom soup since 1. it has cream in it, and 2. soups are thickened with either flour or cornstarch, neither of which I can have. So I decided to make my own cream of mushroom soup.

I found this recipe on food.com and it sounded simple enough.

• 8 ounces fresh mushrooms
• 2 tablespoons onions, chopped
• 1 -2 garlic clove, minced
• 2 tablespoons butter
• 2 -3 tablespoons flour (separated)
• 2 cups chicken broth
• 1 cup light cream or 1 cup evaporated milk
• ½ teaspoon salt
• ¼ teaspoon pepper
• ¼ teaspoon nutmeg

1. Cut the mushrooms into slices.
2. Melt butter in large frying pan. Add in onions, garlic, and mushrooms. Cook until onions are soft.
3. Blend in 2 T. flour and stir.
4. Add in the chicken broth and heat until slightly thickened while stirring frequently.
5. Stir cream with additional 1 T. flour and seasonings. Add in cream to soup. Heat to thicken while stirring frequently.

I switched out the flour for almond flour, which seemed to work just fine. I also used some of my homemade yogurt in place of the light cream. I boiled it down probably just a little further than you're supposed to to thicken it up a little.

I have to say, it came out pretty good. I don't feel that the yogurt changed the taste much at all. And the nutmeg really set it off! That's the taste that I've really  noticed each time I've tasted it.

So I seasoned my pork chops with a little thyme and rosemary, seared them, and covered them in soup to simmer. You're supposed to let it simmer for about 3 hours to get them really tender, but I didn't have that kind of time and only let them go about and hour and a half. They were good, but would've been even better with that extra time.

Overall, big success as an SCD dish. I just had leftovers for lunch and it was just as good. I almost wanted to lick the leftover soup off the plate. Even if I wasn't on this diet, I would probably use this recipe in the future.

What the doctor ordered

I just spent the past few minutes taking my boss' advice and enjoying a few minutes outside. I could not imagine a more beautiful day! The sun is shining, the sky is a deep Carolina blue, and the cold seems to be gone for good (one can only hope here in North Carolina).

I even took my iPad with me and did a little writing for my writing class. (As a side note, I used to say that I'd love to have an iPad, but just don't really have a real need for it. I was wrong. Everyone needs and iPad.) As a homework assignment, we're supposed to write about our favorite place. I couldn't help but think of a beautiful, warm beach and that made being outside on a day like today even more enjoyable.

So yes, I have started a new job. I'm in my second week at a psychiatry office here in Raleigh. I'm heading up things in the office, taking care of scheduling and updating files and filing insurance, all the fun kind of stuff. It definitely is a change of pace from working at the news station, but a welcome one for me. I'm doing the whole 9-5 thing, which I've basically never done. This is literally the first time since Jarrod and I have been together that we've been on the same schedule, other than our college schedules.

I've decided the most difficult part of being on this schedule is the whole getting home and immediately having to dive into dinner preps. Especially since I've been on this new diet that requires a bit more legwork than I'm accustomed to. But at the same time, I consider that a rather small issue when compared to having to go to bed at 7:30pm when it's still light out until after 8:00.

I love being able to sleep in in the morning and get ready in the light! (I actually went into work at the station one time wearing one brown and one black Rainbow because I'd been getting ready in the dark.) I have time to make myself breakfast in the morning and now that I'm getting used to it all, I want to take a couple of days a week to get up early and do some exercising... both physical and mental.

I've also really enjoying working here at the doctor's office. The people are really nice and I've been enjoying getting to know the patients.  I get to pretty much run things the way I want and have a nice combination of time to myself and interacting with others. I'm getting into the swing of things now and liking the laid back nature of the position. But there are things I do miss from the station, such as the fact that there's never anything "breaking" around here. At least not for my position. But that's OK. For now, I'm just going to enjoy being able to relax a little more, not feeling so much pressure, and sticking to a normal routine. I'm also going to enjoy my first normal holiday coming up in just a few weeks here (ah, the finer things in life!)

Poetry and Prose

I just got home from my first writing class at Wake Tech. I think I'm going to like it. It's not even so much about the class, but I think it'll be the motivation I need to get me going. Already, I'm feeling really excited about writing and I think that's what I really need. Just a push in the right direction.

The class has about 12 people in it. Some of them have actually been published before, but some others have never written in their life, but wanted to give it a try. I fall somewhere in the middle, probably more on the unexperienced side. But that's OK. I think that's right where I'd like to be.

We didn't get into too much in the first class. We did the whole introduction thing and getting to know everyone. Then we did a couple of writing exercises and read them for the class (yikes!) I've never been to big on reading my stuff in front of a crowd, but that's part of the push that I think is going to be good for me.

I'm looking forward into really getting into stuff next week. I need to keep reading my writing book, too. (So as part of my goals for this month, I had wanted to have it finished by the time I started this class. That so didn't happen!) I think it'll provide a good foundation for what we do in the class.

I want to also keep up with my writing exercises. I was doing pretty good at doing them every day before, but haven't been lately. I think that's a really important aspect. As they said in my book, if you want to be an athlete, you have to exercise and practice every day. The same goes for writing. You have to work at it every day. Plus, I have my new iPad and this gives me a good excuse to use it some more!

Yummy in my Tummy

It's been a difficult couple of weeks on this new diet, trying to figure out what I can eat and making sure I have all of the ingredients that I need and making sure that foods settle well with my stomach. At first it was hard to get a variety of food because it's best to introduce new things slowly, that way you don't overwhelm your body and you also can keep better tabs on how different foods affect you.

However, a major concern for me has been making sure that I get enough calories. I've already lost a little weight in the past few months and this diet has made it a little difficult to gain it back. I started by making my yogurt out of whole milk and even half-and-half. I also added in almond flour. It may have been a little early for me to start eating this, but at the moment, my concerns for getting enough calories outweigh that.

I made some banana muffins last week which came out pretty good. I also tried making some cinnamon cookies. They came out alright, but I overlooked them a little and they're a little crunchier than I normally like my cookies.

So today, I decided to make another batch of muffins. I found a recipe on Amy McKenna's blog for lemon poppyseed muffins. I followed her recipe and added a honey/lemon glaze on top. And they are oh so good!! I'm having to exert a large amount of self-control to not eat the entire dozen. I try to keep my nut flour intake to about 2 muffins a day plus maybe a cookie at night. Plus, I need things like these to eat throughout the week. I've already eaten 2 this morning and I really want to go get another one. I may have to hide them from Jarrod!

SCD Lemon Poppyseed Muffins (from roboranch.com) with a Honey and Lemon Glaze

Muffins
3 eggs
1/2 cup honey
1/4 cup melted butter
1/2 tsp baking soda
1/4 tsp salt
1 Tbsp lemon juice
1 Tbsp grated lemon rind
1 Tbsp poppyseeds
3 cups almond flour

Glaze
3 Tbsp honey
2 Tbsp butter, melted
1/4 tsp pure vanilla extract
A few drops of lemon juice

Preheat oven to 325.
Line a muffin pan with paper liners.
In a large mixing bowl, use an electric beater to thoroughly combine eggs, honey, butter, baking soda, salt, and lemon juice.
Stir in lemon rind and poppyseeds.
Stir in almond flour, a cup at a time, to make a fairly thick batter.
Spoon batter into muffin cups.
Bake for 25-30 minutes, until golden brown, springy to the touch, and a toothpick comes out clean.

Combine glaze ingredients. I just squeezed a few drops of lemon juice from the other half of my lemon.
Mix until thick.
Spread over cooled muffins.

And I am in heaven...

Goodbye, 25. Fare thee well...

I can't believe it's my birthday in just over 4 hours. Birthday's are always fun. I mean, let's be honest, who doesn't like a day that's all about them?? But I don't think I tend to really look forward to my birthday, as some people I know do. It has been a very long time since I've done anything big for my birthday, and I've had several pretty disappointing ones in the past that have somewhat dulled my excitement in the future.

But I'm not here to complain. Nor am I not looking forward to my birthday. Tomorrow I turn 26. That's a somewhat odd age. 25 is a nice round number and 26 is just, well, after 25. Plus, since I'm on this diet, we can't go out anywhere for it, so I'm stuck making my own dinner and without a birthday cake.

I think I'm just a little down today because I had a rough day... Crohn's wise. Symptoms were much worse today than they have been recently and it made me wonder if this diet is really working. I feel that I'm working really hard for it and giving up a lot and not getting any results. My doctor still says there're no other treatments he can recommend, so I'm feeling a little stuck. I'm not giving up or anything. I said from the beginning that I would give it a month and then reevaluate from there. And that's still another 2 weeks away.

But despite it all, I'm still looking forward to turning 26 tomorrow. I'm encouraged to see that I accomplished a lot of what I set out to during the past year of my life. I found a new job where I'm feeling more content; I'm definitely expanding my cooking expertise; and while I did not open a Roth this past year, Jarrod and I did have more time to enjoy being together.

I want 26 to be the year that I kick this Crohn's. I want to be able to look back years from know and know that at 26 - double the age of when I was first diagnosed - I was finally able to put this behind me. I'm doing my best to stay positive and stay on top of all of this cooking, buy some days are harder than others. I'm going to stick this diet out for another two weeks and figure out then if it's something I want to continue. Meanwhile, I'm praying and believing that I will walk away from this and leave it behind for good.

He said to her, "Daughter, your faith has healed you. Go in peace and be freed from your suffering."

Mark 5:34

What doesn't kill you...

I heard that Kelly Clarkson song "Stronger" on the radio today. And while I'm not really a big Kelly Clarkson fan, I do like this song. It's a good empowerment song. But today, I was really thinking about what this song was saying:

What doesn't kill you makes you stronger

Stand a little taller

Doesn't mean I'm lonely when I'm alone

What doesn't kill you makes a fighter

Footsteps even lighter

Doesn't mean I'm over cause you're gone

Now obviously this song is talking about a guy leaving her, but I was thinking about the other things in life that don't kill you. I know there are definitely things in my life that haven't killed me but have made me stronger. But that wasn't a given. If something's going to make you stronger, you have to fight for it to make you stronger.

There are things that may not kill you literally, but can kill you in other ways. Crohn's obviously hasn't actually killed me, but if I let it, it could run my life. It'd be so easy to sit around and feel sorry for myself all the time. I've tried to tap into the social media Crohn's community and I've definitely found people out there who seem to have given up and resigned themselves to a certain kind of life. But I'm not going to do that. And that's what has made me a stronger person. Without the things I've dealt with over the years, who knows where I'd be now.

I'm not saying this to try to sound impressive or prideful. I want to bring encouragement to anyone who may be dealing with a potentially "deadly" issue. It doesn't have to be health related, it could be anything. You can't just sit back and say, "Well, this will make me a stronger person someday." You have to want to be a stronger person. You have to fight to be a stronger person. Learn from your mistakes and from your trials. While they may seem too big to beat now, you keep fighting and you'll win every time.

You think you got the best of me

Think you had the last laugh

Bet you think that everything good is gone.

Think you left me broken down

Think that I'd come running back

Baby, you don't know me cause you're dead wrong.

I hate Duke with an infernal passion undying

The following article ran in The Daily Tar Heel in 1990. It best sums up how I feel about dook.

Editor’s note: Ian Williams, a 1990 UNCalumnus, was a columnist for The Daily Tar Heel in the spring 1990 semester. The column ran Jan 17, 1990- that night, the Tar Heels stomped the Blue Devils by 19.

I recall a strange and hazy time about four and a half years ago, fretting in the sweltering heat of Hinton James 244, sitting on my bed while the rest of the residents scurried outside.

My suitemate from Brevard was parading his spittle collection, a particularly nauseating mass of his oral waste that he kept in three 2-liter bottles above the door. My roommate spoke in a dialect from Edenton that barely passed for anything on our side of the language tree, and the only things I had to wear in the 105-degree weather were corduroy pants from my goofball private high school. Tripping over bricks, showing up for classes in rooms miles away from where the classes were taught and getting lost by the water tower, I might as well have had a huge placard wrapped around my neck that said “Oh so clueless” and a number to call in case anybody found me peeing in his yard.

But there was a time before that. I call it The Time When I Thought I Wanted to Go to Duke.

For some unexplainable reasons having to do with planetary alignment or a chemical imbalance, I was set on going to that university in Durham. My high school in Virginia brainwashed us all into thinking that if we didn’t end up going to either Duke, UVA, or one of the Ivys we would surely end up stocking Pampers at Wal-Mart. So off I scuttled to those schools, all bushy-tailed and bated, hopin’ to impress some institutes of higher learning. By the time I got to visiting Duke, however, the luster of college had begun to dull into a bleak haze.

My tour guide’s name was Lorna- no lie- and she spoke in a loud, brash voice that seemed to shake the leaves from the cute little shrubberies. “And on your left is Duke Chapel, the centerpiece of our Gothic campus. Our university is considered by many to be the most beautiful campus in America.”

“Umm, excuse me,” I said, “Where do all the kids live?”

“The kids,” she said, in a voice of utter disdain reserved only for parents whose child has been very, very naughty. “The Duke student body mostly lives in the buildings you are looking at right here, with the beautiful Gothic architecture.”

“Well, how hard are the classes here? Would I be studying all the time?”

She fixed her cruel New Jersey gaze on my frightened 17-year-old soul. “Look, that’s totally assuming you even get in here at all. I know tons of people that would have given their left arm to get in here. And not only that, but- Oh, hi, Thad!” Some senior named Thad wearing Vuarnets and baggy khaki shorts ambled up with an evil Gleem smile.

“Leadin’ the kids around, eh Lorna?” he asked, and cackled like the frat Grinch.

“Yeah,” she giggled, and the two whispered to each other while exchanging muffled laughs.

I was herded into the cafeteria and stuck in a line for pizza, while Lorna went off into the crowd with some of her friends. A scowling guy slapped a piece of rubber pepperoni pizza on my plate, and as I walked across the room to sit down, I tripped on one of those Gothic little cherub things on the floor and sent my pizza flying 20 feet onto the sweater of a girl named Annabeth, a junior English major from Bridgeport, Connecticut.

“Oh my God!” she squealed, and every face in the entire joint looked right at me. Thad the sunglasses man started to clap, and half of the cafeteria joined in my humiliation.

Suddenly, I was back in third grade, and all the boys and girls were pointing and laughing at the picture I’d drawn of my family. Suddenly, I was sitting alone at the side of the blacktop while everyone else got picked for the dodgeball team. Suddenly, I was lying in the Iowa snow, getting my ribs kicked by five guys who thought I’d stolen their football. I had no escape.

And that’s when I decided to go to Carolina. I had never seen the place, had never heard of Chapel Hill and I picked Hinton James because it had a laundry room. After a while I grew used to the town- I didn’t get lost behind the water tower; I learned where Gardner Hall was; and I began to enjoy the company of my suitemate, despite his spittle collection. I also developed a taste for basketball, and during the games I noticed that we had certain heated rivalries- whenever we played one of those teams, I got tense and dug holes in the seat.

Now I realize that school spirit is a pretty goofy thing to some people, but I’ll tell you something: I hate Duke with an infernal passion undying. I hate every leaf of every tree on that sickening campus. I hate every fake cherub Gothic piece of crap that litters the buildings like hemorrhoidal testaments to imagined superiority. When I see those Dookie boneheads shoe-polishing their faces navy blue on television, squandering their parents’ money with their fratty elitist bad sportsmanship antics and Saab stories, I want to puke all over Durham.

So this is my request, boys of basketball: Tonight, I not only want you to win, I want Krzyzewski calling home to his mother with tears in his eyes. I want Alaa Abdelnaby to throw up brick after brick. I want Rick Fox to take Christian Laettner to the hoop so many times that poor Christian will be dazed on the bench with an Etch-a-Sketch and a box of Crayola crayons. I want Bobby Hurley to trip on his shoelaces and fly into a fat alumnus from Wilmington. Send Thad and Lorna home with their blue tails between their legs.

God bless them Tar Heel boys!

March on

Wow, March, you snuck up on me and I almost let you pass without putting a little something new on the blog. I completely forgot that today was March 1. But I'm going to be honest, when you're not dealing with the usual going-to-work-every-day-routine, you completely lose track of what day it is. I'm constantly having to check my calendar to make sure I don't miss any appointments or other things I have planned.

March is a great time of year. First of all, it means that my birthday is only a week away! Yea! However, this year is going to be a little different since I've been doing this diet. Usually we'd all go out to eat somewhere and have cake or ice cream or something, but I'm not sure what it's going to mean this year. I'm expecting my shipment of almond flour tomorrow, so I'll have to experiment some... even if it means I have to make my own cake.

And another reason I love March is it means spring is near! In just a few short weeks, winter will be over and the warm weather will be moving back in (even though, it never really left this year... it was like 80-degrees today!)

For me this year, it continues to mean change. As I mentioned before, I'm in my second week on this diet. It takes a lot of dedication and experimentation, so I'm learning what works and what doesn't. I'm hoping to continue to learn and continue to feel better every day! Doing this diet has brought up thoughts about the rest of my health, as well. I'm realizing more and more that I don't take proper care of my body. I don't drink enough water, take the right vitamins (etc.), get enough exercise. These are things I really need to focus on. I don't just want health for my digestive tract. I want health for my entire body. Oh, but these goals are so hard to keep!! I'm hoping once I'm back on a set schedule, to have the motivation to get some stuff going in the mornings before work.

My writing class starts in just about 10 days. I'm so excited and a little freaked out that the same time. I haven't had a class in 4 years. Plus, writing has always been one of those things I've dreamed of doing... I think there's a little part of me that worries whether or not I'll be any good at it. I've been reading a writing book lately. It's already been enlightening. I hope to finish it by the time this class starts.

Finally, I've been enjoying this time off, but it's time for me to head back to work. While I do think I can handle the whole unemployed thing (I know some people go stir-crazy), I enjoy having that structure and balance in my life. I've got a couple of opportunities out there right now, so I'm praying for wisdom in figuring out what's going to be best for me and for Jarrod.

So to summarize for this month...

-Settle in on this diet, learning more about cooking and figuring out the best way to stay on top of it all.
-Take better care of my overall health: need to work on a plan for better exercising, drinking more water, and taking all of the vitamins I need.
-Attend my writing class (and enjoy it!) and finish my book.
-Start a new job and get back to a normal routine.
-Finish my "window project" that I've been putting off recently.
-Turn 26 and enjoy another birthday and another year!

1 week later

I've been on this new diet for a full week now, and can I just say, What a week it's been! I knew this was going to be difficult, but it has been a really tough week. The first few days were so restrictive that I didn't even want to leave the house because the smell and thought of food was driving me crazy. But I went out to a restaurant for the first time this weekend (not eating, just visiting) and it went OK. I'm not going to lie, it was hard watching other people eat all of the foods that I'm craving, but smelling the food was actually nice. You can kind of pretend that you're getting to eat it! (Wow, that sounds pathetic)

I was wanting to do a slow introduction onto the diet, but I realize now that I don't think that will work for me. I don't know that I'm disciplined enough to take a couple of months before I actually have a range of food that I can eat. I do know some foods that are more difficult to digest, so I'm holding off on those for now. I've added in some fruits and veggies and an assortment of meats (grilled up some lamb chops yesterday, yum!). My "splurge" was picking up some colby jack cheese and fresh almond butter. I maybe should've waited a little longer, but like I said, if I didn't have something good soon, I was going to go crazy.

I also made myself a almond butter & banana milkshake today with homemade yogurt. The yogurt is pretty tart, but I added in some honey and that helped. I guess it's just something I'll have to get used to.

I've been obsessed the past few days with looking up recipe ideas that stay within the limits of the diet. The thing is, eating on this diet (once you're fully on it) isn't difficult. You can make some great meals and there are pretty good substitutes that you can find for almost anything (except chocolate... sad). It's really just the matter of being able to go out to eat. I know I've harped on this a couple of times now, but that's a pretty big deal for Jarrod and me because we love to go out to eat. I love getting dressed up and going somewhere nice and having someone else put together the meal (and clean it all up!). Now, going out to eat is mostly going to be for other people, and I'm just along for the ride. I am planning on making some calls to some of our favorite places to find out if their food will be alright. I'll have to stick with meats (without certain rubs and spices) and veggies and salads.

Well, I've gone through all of this and haven't even mentioned how I'm feeling. I'm still doing just OK. I was feeling better for a couple of days, but then started feeling a little worse. The hard part is that I don't know what's causing it. It could be symptoms from the diet cleaning out my system and flushing the toxins; it could be that I ate something that didn't agree with me and I should avoid in the future; it could be that the diet isn't working. I suppose I'll have to wait it out a little longer to see more results. I think also that my body is adjusting to not being on any major medication. Still waiting to see what my future holds in that area. But all in all, I'm still hanging in there and waiting to see where this all leads.

Why is every commercial about food?

Seriously! The day after I start an uber restricting diet, I'm watching a little nighttime TV before bed, and EVERY commercial is about food! Oh, and everyone's eating on the show, too! Is it always like this? Or is it like when you're playing the Alphabet Game in the car as a kid and you can't find a stupid 'J' and once you finally, there's a 'J' and every sign you pass??

In all seriousness now... my first couple of days on the new diet have not been the easiest, but honestly, it's not been the food that's been the problem. I starting getting a horrible headache on Sunday afternoon while my mom was helping me get food prepared and it lasted until sometime this afternoon. Along with that came some nausea which made a couple of the meals a little difficult, but I'm doing much better now.

The food really is not too bad. Just a little monotonous (and it's only day 2). For the next few days, my diet will continue to consist of eggs, homemade chicken soup, grape jello, and hamburger patties or fish. The first 5 days is meant to clean out the system and sort of start to "reset" things. From there, you can start adding in more veggies, meats, fruits, nuts, etc.

Once you get fully on the diet, there are lots of options, but it does take some time to get there. Plus, going out to eat is pretty much always going to be a bit of a hurdle. But I know this is going to be a healthy lifestyle choice, even regardless of my Crohn's. Healthier, all-natural foods instead of so much processed foods. I'm kind of excited about it.

Ok, seriously just saw Red Lobster, Campbell's Soup, Fiber One Bars, a commercial not for burgers, but with them in it, and General Mill's cereal all in one break.

The end of... something

Today is my final day of eating a "normal" diet. I start the Specific Carbohydrate Diet in the morning. I spent a good bit of the day cooking with my parents, getting prepared for this next step. I've got soup on the stove, "jello" in the fridge and some eggs and beef ready to be eaten.

I'm definitely a little nervous. This is a big change, but I'm working hard to be prepared. The foods listed above are what will constitute my diet for the next several days. Depending on how that goes, I'll soon start adding in some new veggies and meats and eventually fruits and nuts.

I'll update how the first days go and post some good recipes I come across. This is the end of this part of my life, but beginning of something bigger. I'm really looking forward to feeling better.

Not what I wanted to hear

This is one of those blog posts where I don't know where to start. I want to be completely honest on here, but sometimes there are things I just don't want to tell everyone... like when I don't get good results from a colonoscopy.

So my week off hasn't been too much of a week off. I spent Tuesday preparing for my colonoscopy (which anyone who's had one knows, is much worse than the actual procedure.) I had the procedure yesterday morning. I had the good idea this time to have Jarrod record the post-op conversation with my doctor, since you never remember these things when you're under anesthesia. So this time I actually got to listen to the conversation after I got back home.

Basically he told me that things look worse since my last colonoscopy, which I had in October of last year, right before I started the new meds. So being on the new meds for four months has not helped and I am officially off of them now... which technically means I am on no medication for Crohn's for the first time in about 13 years.

He basically told me that for someone as high functioning as I am, I have the worst looking gut he's ever seen. He's always telling me how stoic I am and that my bar for "normal" is so out of whack that I don't even know what "normal" is any more. He wants me to consider surgical options. I don't consider surgery an option... at all.

I think all of this finally hit me today. I spent a good part of the day being pretty depressed. (I also blame the lousy weather a little.) Dealing with being out of work and bad results from this is a lot to handle all at once. But I'm done with that. Sometimes I think you just need a down day to get all of that out of your system in order to get past it and move on.

I had seriously been considering starting up the Specific Carbohydrate Diet again (info here) but had been waiting for the results from this colonoscopy. So now I've decided to start that on Monday. Jarrod is going to be out of town for work, so I figure it's a good time to get going on that. I tried the diet out a few years ago, but it didn't stick. However, looking back now, I realize that I was totally unprepared to start the diet at that time. I feel that I'm in a much better position to do it successfully this time.

It's going to be a big change. It's essentially eliminating all wheat/grains, dairy, soy and sugar. And what does that leave? Doesn't seem like a lot. But essentially, it's getting back to nature and making things from scratch. And getting a little creative with your cooking. It's going to be a lot of work, but if it helps, then it's definitely worth it.

I've been doing some soul-searching, too, on what God has planned from here. I know this isn't what he wants for me, but it's definitely hard to keep the faith when you feel like this all of the time. I appreciate everyone's prayers, cause God knows, I need 'em (pun intended). I know at this point, if anything works, it's going to be his doing.

My work here is done.

I've been hinting around for a few weeks now on some big changes coming for me, and today, I finally feel like I'm at the point where I can talk about it.

Today is my last day at NBC-17. I've been there for 2 1/2 years and just realized that it's time for me to move on. The hours and stress of the job have been difficult for me and I'm looking forward to doing something a little more low-key. But I will definitely miss the wonderful people there. I'll look forward to catching them on the air in the future. I'll also miss getting off of work at 12:30... and going into "breaking news" mode... and hurricane coverage. But I won't miss getting up at 3 a.m. Or snow coverage.

So what will I be doing now, you ask? Well, that's still a little up in the air. I haven't found anything yet that I really want to do, so I figure I'll do something that'll get us by for the time being until I can find something better. The difficult part about this is that I'm not really sure what I want to do. But I guess I'll have a chance to figure that out.

Jarrod and I are taking a big leap of faith here, but we really do feel that it's the right thing to do. I know the weeks and months ahead may be difficult, but we're believing that we'll get through just fine. I'm looking forward to having some more time since I won't be having to go to bed at 8:00 and having some more energy.

But I'm excited about the future. I feel like I'm finally taking some steps in the right direction. I'm just hoping and praying that I'll be open to whatever's next for me. Here's to taking chances!

For my big sis

I wanted to write a special post for my sister's birthday, but I was out of town with no computer access for the actual day. So I'm a few days behind, but as the cliche goes... "better late, than never."

Anyone who has a big sister knows what an inspiration they are in your life, and that's definitely what Beka has been to me. I've found myself at various points in my life where I'll look to her and her life for wisdom on what to do. And I'm always asking for her advice.

Beka's the type of person who really would do anything for you. You need somebody at 3:00 in the morning and she'd be there. If you need somebody just to vent to on the phone, she's there to listen.

She is such a strong woman and has been through some things that I can't even imagine, but she always handles them with such grace. She's one of those people who truly can make the best of something where others may fall apart. When the economy went downhill and her company closed, she started her own design firm and now has created a successful business in the midst of a recession. I mean, who does that??

Not gonna lie, I'm a little envious of her life. She's constantly surrounded by such beauty, not only from within but also in the things she does. I wish I was as good as she is at taking something mundane and turning it in to something beautiful.

So, Beka, I love you. Thanks for being the best big sister ever! And I hope you had a wonderful birthday!

Defying Gravity

I can't believe another month has already come and gone. And before we know it it'll be another month and another year. And at the end of that, I hope we'll all be proud of what we've done and have become. I'm very reflective at the moment because I know this month is going to bring some changes. I'm right on the edge, preparing to jump into whatever the rest of my life will hold and I'm excited... and a little anxious... and a little scared.

I know I'm where I'm supposed to be, but that doesn't mean that a little unsurity doesn't creep in every now and then. Big things are coming. I've got a colonoscopy coming up soon which will help determine the future of my treatment. I have the writing class in a few weeks, which makes me kind of nervous. But I'm glad for the excitement. I feel like I've been playing it safe for a while and now I'm taking charge.

I'm not posting any goals this month. Trust me, I have some and I'll post updates on anything I get accomplished. But for now, it's time to take that leap... and see where I land.

Something has changed within me, Something is not the same

I'm through with playing by the rules of someone else's game

Too late for second-guessing, Too late to go back to sleep

It's time to trust my instincts, Close my eyes and leap.

It's time to try Defying gravity

I think I'll try Defying gravity

And you can't pull me down!

-Wicked

Thank God for fresh starts

"Your mercies are new every morning, So let me wake with the dawn"

-Nichole Nordeman, "Mercies New"

I'm so glad there are such things as second chances in this life... even though I know sometimes I could really use a do-over button. But that's what each morning brings: a new day, another chance to make up for yesterday.

Yesterday was one of the worst days I've had in a long time. I felt that others were putting blame on me for things I couldn't change and spent the day feeling down and feeling pretty much like a failure. On top of that. I don't like the way I reacted. I retreated and sought comfort in places I shouldn't have and I'm still feeling the effects of it now.

But today, I have another shot at it, another chance to get it right. I woke up feeling pretty lousy and seriously considered staying home today, but I'm not going to let that hold me back. It's a new day and I don't want to waste another one like I did yesterday.

What's on my mind

I haven't felt much like writing this month. I think I've had too much on my mind, which is funny because you'd think with so much on my mind, I'd have tons that I'd want to write about. And there are things that I really want to put into words, but don't feel that I can talk about them quite yet (even though those of you who actually read this probably already  know.) But still, just a few more weeks before I feel I can be a little more open. I think that's my problem: I can't talk about what I want to talk about, so I just don't talk at all. So I won't say any more...

This one goes out to the one I love

Today I dedicate this post to the most amazing husband I could ever ask for! He has held my hand through some really difficult times and put up with my annoying habits (not that he doesn't have some of his own, but those aren't relevant today). I am so appreciative of him and so glad that I have him in my life. I've had to make some big decisions recently, that affect both of us, and he's been so supportive and willing to do whatever it takes to help me accomplish my goals. It feels so good to have someone standing by me. I'm a lucky lady.

Happy 25th birthday, baby!

I'm in a glass case of emotion!

I said before that I don't want to do whiny, feeling-sorry-for-myself kind of posts... but I've had a rough couple of days!

First of all, Jarrod has been gone all week. He was gone over the weekend hunting and then left Monday morning for Florida for a work trip. He's been there for the past three days and comes back tomorrow. It's rough enough not having him around. It's just pretty boring. I guess I should be used to it. When we were on opposite shifts it really was no different, except he was there when I woke up in the morning... albeit, asleep. But still, I don't like it when he's not around.

Then, yesterday, I made a bit of a misstep and ended up with a sprained ankle. It wasn't so bad at the time, but last night it woke me up because it was hurting so bad and I haven't been able to walk on it all day. I'm sure I was quite a spectacle this morning as I was hopping around on one leg. Thankfully I have great parents and parents-in-law who bring me over crutches and take care of my dog and clean up my messy house since I was having problems putting anything away.

So of all days when I really needed someone here, I've been all by myself... which has made me pretty emotional. I'm not even sure how many times I've cried in the past 24 hours. I've cried because I've been alone... I've cried because my foot hurt... I've cried because my dad cleaned my house while I was at my appointment... I feel like I'm going to cry right now just writing this. I don't know why I'm so emotional. I'm really not much of a crier. But I've got another day off and hopefully that'll be what I need to get back on my feet (no pun intended.)

Back in the groove

We're back at that point again... the real start of the year when everything starts to get back to normal. We've had 6 weeks of holidays and events and vacations and now it's time to get back to life as usual. It's back to work and back to school and no holidays in sight... unless you work for a bank. We have renewed vacation and sick days, but who wants to use those in the first weeks of the year?

I can't say that I'm entirely upset about this time of year. In news, things get really slow over the holiday season, but start to pick up once everyone gets back to their normal lives. Here, it's always better to stay busy. And it's frustrating when you have a good story idea, but you can't make it happen because the people you need to speak with are on holiday. Yes, I'm glad to be back to the normal day-to-day.

You can plan on me

I love a good plan. Don't get me wrong, I appreciate the new and spontaneous and am always happy with a good surprise, but I really do love have things figured out. You can ask my husband, when I have a plan and suddenly something comes up to change it, I get a little flustered. I pull out the ol', "But I had a plan and if you change this then it's going to change this which means that this is going to happen and oh my god! the sky is falling!"

I've done my best over the past year or so to work out a good weekly plan. I actually never kept track of it all until I started planning my wedding and I realized I needed a calendar to keep myself aware of what all I had to do and what deadlines were approaching. Now, I can't live without my planner that I keep in my purse. It's one of the few things besides my wallet and cell phone that I have on me at all times. I like being able to look ahead and see what's coming up. It also provides a nice record of the past when I look back at what I wrote in there. Also, keeping up with the budget is always important. We consistently struggle with the amount we spend on food, usually eating out. So I try to balance that out by keeping the grocery bill as low as possible. And since just going to the store and shopping aisle-by-aisle means that I'll be bringing home a bunch of stuff that I don't need, I try to come up with a solid meal plan each week. That way when I go to the store, I know exactly what ingredients I need and don't end up buying unnecessary stuff. Here's what I've got lined up for this week:

Monday: Stuffed pork chops and green beans
Tuesday: Tuna casserole (or tuna catfish, as I used to call it as a kid... I'm not sure why)
Wednesday: Chicken parmesan rolls
Thursday: Tacos
Friday/Saturday/Sunday: Jarrod's going to be out of town, so I'll probably just scrounge stuff up around the house or meet up with someone to eat.

So here's to a year of great plans and hopefully some great surprises, too!

Happy 2012!

I love the start of a new year. Yesterday, I actually heard a couple of people ask why we celebrate the start of the new year, since it doesn't have any actual significance as other holidays like the birth of our Savior or our country declaring it's independence. But I thing there is a lot of significance in the new year. I believe I've mentioned before how big of a fan I am of "starting over" and having that chance for a clean slate. I think that's what the new year brings. Even though most resolutions will last about a week before they're abandoned completely, each new year is a chance to reflect over the past 12 months and decide what we want to change in the 12 months ahead.

Personally, I'm planning on changing a lot of things. I've got some big things in the works, but, unfortunately, I can't talk about them on here yet. Give me a few more weeks and I'll fill you all in. But I got a new desk from my parents for Christmas, so Jarrod is planning on getting that all set up tomorrow while he's off work. I'm uber excited about having my own writing space. I think it's just what I need to get me going on some writing. My own space where I can post up my goals and be more motivated. It's hard to get motivated on the couch and the office area is really Jarrod's and isn't particularly conducive to inspiration.

I'm planning on having some sort of plan set up for my writing. Perhaps a list of goals to accomplish in a certain amount of time. I'm not quite sure how I want to set it up yet, but I'll figure it out soon.

I've signed up for a creative writing class this year at Wake Tech. It starts in March and I couldn't be more excited! It's definitely going to be a challenge, but I'm really looking forward to it. It's so much easier to be motivated when you have others there with you. FYI, I've given up on the idea of completing a master's degree, at least for the time being. I don't think this is the right time in our lives and I'm not quite prepared for that sort of commitment to school. I think Jarrod and I have too many other things that we want to accomplish and focus on in the next couple of years.

One of my wants for this year is I want to learn how to sew. I thinking maybe if things go well with the creative writing course that I can take a sewing one after I finish that one. Or else, if my mom has any time free up, maybe she could get me started. We'll have to see. This is one of those that will have to wait until later in the year to get lined up, but I really do hope it works out.

I'm also planning on having a healthy year. I know I'm not starting it out on the best foot, but I'm at the point where the new meds should really be making a difference (and some things are definitely changing there... still have to come to a complete conclusion though) and I'm doing my best to keep a positive attitude. (I'm also hoping that some of those changes I mentioned before help out.) One thing I've learned in my life is the importance of a positive attitude. If you wanna feel sorry for yourself and complain and never get out of bed, then you're going to feel cruddy and never get out of bed. It's pretty easy to fall into that trap. I've definitely done it before. But that's now how I want to live my life. So even on days when I may not be feeling up to it, I'm trying to keep my commitments and keep doing what I want to do. Not to the point of wearing myself out, but just not giving up on the things I love because I'm not feeling 100%.

Another "want" for this year, is I do want to start exercising. Notice I did not say "exercising more" because I don't exercise at all. It's pretty sad. If we can work out the timing, Jarrod and I have discussing going together to the gym a couple of times a week. I'm not making this a goal, because, let's be honest, making exercising goal for the new year is just asking for failure! But this is one of those things I hope I find the time and motivation to accomplish this year, since exercising is a healthy habit and I need all of the extra healthiness I can get.

Also, I'm starting today of a read through the Bible in a year plan. I haven't read through the whole Bible in such a long time, and what a better time to start a new plan than January 1.

OK, this post is getting dangerously long, so to sum it all up:

1. Start writing at my new desk and set up a plan to keep me on track with my writing.
2. Have a healthy year (perhaps with some exercising...)
3. Read through the Bible in a year, plus just do a lot more reading of some legitimate books.
4. Learn to sew.

I told you, keeping it simple. Happy New Year, everyone!