Looking back at 2011

Here we are at the final day of 2011 and I have to say... I'm glad it's here. This year has definitely not been what I expected. It has had some nice highlights: my sister's and my best friend's weddings, some fun trips that Jarrod and I took, paying off our debt. But overall, I feel that I accomplished very little this year, and I feel that I didn't put forth an effort that I can be proud of when I look back over the past 12 months.

I realized a week or so ago that I had set some goals back at the beginning of the year, but I hadn't looked back at those goals in a very long time. I couldn't even remember what they were. Sure I read a bunch of books (although they weren’t necessarily challenging books) and worked out a better budget that we’ve been good at sticking to, but of the goals that really matter, I fell pretty short. That's not what I want to see when I look back over the past year of my life. When I have goals, I want to think about them and work towards them every day. I don't want them to be some arbitrary idea I came up with because I was trying to find something to write on my blog. I want them to be things that I'm passionate about and actively work out a plan for accomplishing them. That's how things are going to change this next year!

While 2011 has been fine, 2012 is going to be different. I already have a couple of changes in the works that are going to make this year a bit more interesting. I think they will really help expand my writing, too, because these are things that I'm passionate about, but also things that scare me a little. Scare me in the taking-a-leap-of-faith kind of way. But passion and fear tend to lead to good writing topics.

I'm working on figuring out exactly what I want to accomplish in the coming year. I'm going to keep it simple and attainable. I'm going to put up a list of these goals at my new desk (Oh yah, my parents gave me this awesome desk for Christmas, but it has to be set up. I'll show it off a little once we get it put together.) and I'm going to work out a plan for accomplishing them. That way I will constantly be reminded of what I want to accomplish and how I'm doing on getting there.

Well, there are my goals for my goals. Tomorrow I'll actually get into those goals and a look ahead at the coming year. Enough looking back.

Christmas Creativity

I know it's a little late, but I realized that I never took that chance to show off my Christmas decorations. It's probably because, despite how much work I put into them, I wasn't as happy as I thought I would be with the end result. I didn't dislike them, by any means. I just always felt like something was missing and I couldn't figure out what it was.

I did actually hand paint those letters... a much bigger ordeal than I originally imagined.

I am in love with these dishes!! They're my mom's, but she's collected so many Christmas dishes over the years that she said I could take them. So excited to finally have Christmas dishes!

Jarrod and I are actually starting to take the decorations down tonight. A little sad, but I think it's time. I'm excited about moving past the holidays and getting started on a new year. Time to pack away the holidays for another year.

Wordless Wednesday: Merry Christmas to me!

Merry Christmas!

And there were in the same country shepherds abiding in the field, keeping watch over their flock by night. And, lo, the angel of the Lord came upon them, and the glory of the Lord shone round about them: and they were sore afraid. And the angel said unto them, Fear not: for, behold, I bring you good tidings of great joy, which shall be to all people. For unto you is born this day in the city of David a Saviour, which is Christ the Lord. And this shall be a sign unto you; Ye shall find the babe wrapped in swaddling clothes, lying in a manger. And suddenly there was with the angel a multitude of the heavenly host praising God, and saying, Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace, good will toward men. And it came to pass, as the angels were gone away from them into heaven, the shepherds said one to another, Let us now go even unto Bethlehem, and see this thing which is come to pass, which the Lord hath made known unto us. And they came with haste, and found Mary, and Joseph, and the babe lying in a manger. (Luke 2:8-16 KJV)

Merry Christmas to all, and to all a goodnight!

Where are you, Christmas?

Here we are, less than 10 days away from Christmas, but... it doesn't quite feel like Christmas. I'm not sure if it's due to the fact that I've been dealing with health issues this year... or perhaps because it's been so warm this year... but I just don't quite feel in the Christmas mood.

This is very strange for me because I am a Christmas fanatic! My husband calls me Mrs. Claus because he says he doesn't know anyone else who gets as excited about Christmas as I do. I think it's a magical time where you get to forget about the cares of the world and tap into that childhood innocence and wonder, even if just for a short time each year.

And I've done everything right. We have a beautiful tree set up, I did some fun crafts to decorate the mantle, I've got Christmas-y smelling candles everywhere, lovely lights on the outside of the house, and presents already wrapped under the tree. But I feel a little disconnected when I'm listening to carols or even wrapping those presents. I don't like it. I want to feel the spirit of the holiday.

I'm hoping this final week will be different and the feeling of Christmas will hit me. Come on, Christmas spirit!!

New Meds: Round 3

Well today is my third infusion of the new meds, as soon as I get off from work. This one seems pretty important because I've been told that it's after this third round that you can start to be able to tell whether or not it's going to work. However, I've also been told it takes about another month to let the meds do their thing and actually make a determination.

But I'm excited today. I've had some positive things going on health-wise the past 2 days and I'm thinking that this infusion will only help. I had really started feeling like it wasn't going to work, but I'm much more positive this week. There are still the issues of the other problems that seem to be cropping up, but if I'm feeling better in other ways, then we'll have to work out some sort of list comparing benefits to side-effects.

I want to say thank you so much for every one's encouraging words and prayers over the past couple of weeks. They mean so much to me and I'll definitely appreciate them at 1:30 today! I'll let you know how things go.

Now I know why they call it a "laptop"

I have my computer back in my lap and it feels so good! I wrote before about how my battery had died and I was living off of just the power cord. Today I headed over to the Apple store and got my new battery. For a minute there when I had finished charging it told me I had 8 hours of battery life. Now that I'm actually sitting here typing it has settled in around 3:45.

It's been a crazy busy day. Get up at 3:30, work until 12:30, a trip to the mall, cleaning the bedroom (a much bigger undertaking than you might think), preparing dinner, now sitting on the couch with the hubby, typing away as we finish up dinner. The mall, of course, was pretty crazy, even at 1pm on a Tuesday. I tried to get all of my final shopping done so I won't have to go back, but there are still a couple of loose ends.

I think I'm doing pretty good this Christmas, considering the bit of a set back with the hospital. I have 3 small gifts left to get and I've already started wrapping presents! The tree looks much better already.

But now, off to clean up from kitchen before heading off to bed nice and early.

Doin' alright

I'm afraid I've been sounding kind of "complainy" lately. All of my past posts seem to be about how rough things are in my life, when that's not really the whole story. I think it comes from a combination of trying to be more open in my writing and being willing to put stuff out there that I haven't always been comfortable revealing, and the fact that I'm just fed up with feeling only so-so.

Especially being on these new meds, my hope for feeling better has been higher and when I'm not feeling better, it has farther to fall. I'm not giving up hope, but I'm believing this will work, but it is hard when everything in your body tells you you're not doing better. But I have my 3rd round of meds this week, so I'm looking forward to where things go from here.

I really feel blessed in my life. I have a great husband, a wonderful family and friends, a beautiful house, a good job that pays the bills, the ability to get out of bed every day. Yep, I'm doin' alright.

Out of breath

Out of breath. That's exactly how I've been feeling lately. It hit me this morning when I got up and I was already breathing kind of heavy. I don't think you're supposed to do that the moment you get out of bed, at the time when you're supposed to be most refreshed.

And that's how things went with my hospital stay. Part of the reason they wanted to keep me there was because my blood pressure was so low. It tends to run low anyways, but it was pretty low even for me at times. But that's leaving me with a heavy heartbeat and deep breaths.

I feel that some change is needed. A person can only be this exhausted for so long. And I'm so tired of being exhausted. I'm 25 years old, I have the rest of my life to have kids and bigger responsibilities and be exhausted then, but not now. The problem is, I don't know how to fix it. Well, at least not any practical ways that I can actually act on at the moment.

I'm praying for a change... an opportunity. Something that I feel can give me some life back. Just wish I knew where to look for it.

A change in plans

Well, I feel like it's about time for an update. I've had another rough week, but getting back on track now. I wasn't feeling too great all last week, and it got to the point where I was just uncomfortable all the time. I've also been dealing with relatively severe dehydration and randomly spiking fevers, some pretty high. On Friday, my doctor recommended I check myself into the ER and see where things go from there, but at least I could get some fluids in me and some antibiotics, if necessary. (It really stunk because Jarrod and I were supposed to be headed to the beach for a weekend with my sister/brother-in-law and his sister/husband/baby!)

So I took myself over there after I got off from work on Friday, and about 12 hours later, several bags of fluids and a million different doctors' opinions, they ended up admitting me to the hospital. Due to some infections they found in my blood, they actually admitted me to the MPCU, which is apparently the in-between of normal admission and the ICU. It's closer monitored and they have you constantly hooked up to a heart monitor. And that's how I spent my weekend. Talking to lots more doctors and getting my system flushed out.

I was able to check out Sunday evening, which was nice, since they were considering keeping me there another day. However, it was a much more pleasant stay than my one back in October. But since leaving I've been keeping up with a nice little regiment of meds and have definitely been feeling better. I'm still feeling a little on the "down" side, but I'm confident that I'll continue to improve. I have my next infusion next week and I'll be glad to see what happens from there.

For now, I'm trying to take it easy and not over-exert myself... not the easiest task this time of year. At least I already had taken Monday and Tuesday off from work this week, so today's actually my first day back. Just taking it a day at a time.

And can I brag on my husband just a little bit? He was so amazing this weekend and stayed with me both nights in the most uncomfortable chair ever! And he got me food when the hospital stuff just wasn't cutting it and was there with me through it all. He really made a difficult time a little less difficult. Love you, baby.

Merry December!

Oh a day behind on December but that's alright with me. I was hoping to write a lot more over the past week, but it hasn't been the easiest week for me. I've been dealing with a whole bunch of not feeling great. I've been doing my best to suck it up and keep on with my life, but yesterday it hit me like a ton of bricks and I ended up leaving work early and sleeping for most of the afternoon.

It helped. I am feeling better today. Albeit, not great, but better. Jarrod and I are supposed to head to the beach today with my sister and Nate and his sister, Lise, and her husband, Matt, and their precious baby Jordan, but at this point, I'm still unsure whether or not we'll be able to make it. I'm taking it an hour at a time right now.

But I don't want to be a downer at the start of this beautiful month! Jarrod hates it, but I've been very much OK with the warmer temperatures so far. Especially considering that last year it snowed the first weekend of December. It was a little odd, however, putting up Christmas decorations in 60-degree weather.

As you can see, we have the tree up, which I love! We found a much better set up this year that actually seemed to give us more room, rather than less. We've decorated the outside with lights and wreaths and I'm still working on some of my indoor decorations, but that's another post for another day.

Looking ahead this month... there's so much going on. My beautiful cousin is performing in the Nutcracker, there are Christmas parties to attend and, of course, Christmas itself! But a big thing going on this month in my life is my 3rd round of the new meds. That's supposed to be the time when you know if it's working or not. And at this point, I'm not feeling that it is, and that scares me. So I'm a little anxious for that appointment in about two weeks and the follow up appointment with my doctor the week after that. I'm feeling the pressure this month.


As for my goals, I have not wanted to get to this part because I feel that I did pretty lousy this month. But I think I'm keeping the same goals and focusing on getting better and preparing for Christmas.

Health Goals
-I realized this morning (not for the first time) how tense I am pretty much all the time. I want to get up some sort of stretching regiment. That's always so hard to start, but healthwise, I think it's necessary for me. Need to drill that into my head! NOPE
-Also, I've fallen out of the habit of taking some OTC meds that I really need to be taking. Need to start that up again. NOPE

Personal Goals
-Party Planning! And, of course, actually throwing a fabulous engagement party!
-Read! ...something! I should probably pick this out by the beginning of the month. That way I'm probably more likely to stick to it. I'll try to figure something out today. EH, I DID SOME READING, BUT NOT WHAT I HAD IN MIND.
-Help put on a great Thanksgiving dinner with both of my families.
-Finish Christmas shopping. Doable? I have no idea. OK, I DIDN'T QUITE "FINISH" BUT I'M HAPPY WITH WHAT I ACCOMPLISHED, WHICH WAS THE MAJORITY OF IT.
-Decorate for Christmas!! (After Thanksgiving, of course)